Farewell dear month

You've been...interesting, to say the absolute least.

I have a lot to do and look forward to in the next week. My insides are turning like winding road. One week to go, does this mean things change? My doubts are high.

Day 31: "How to get a good night's sleep"
Two pictures in a row in bed. I know, I know, lame. My laziness is catching up with me.

16 hours of driving later

I'm so tired.

Day 30: "Hello Domo"

The time I was supposed to be on VH1 but I wasn't

So today I went to the Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash at the Ford Amphitheater. The line-up: Lifehouse, Fall Out Boy, and Rihanna. Hosted by Jerry O'Connell, with appearances by some random football players. Since this was going to be live and on VH1, everyone had to be dressed in "club wear" and look super cute, and whatever. They obviously didn't plan on it raining. Long story short, it poured. I am scared of rain at night, in case you didn't know that. TERRIFIED of it. So I started shaking really bad, basically crying, and Amber as running around looking like a wet baby.

Oh, and the show was pretty sweet. It was neat to see how they actually taped it. If you watched the show on TV, it was FOB, Lifehouse, and then Rihanna, when in actuality, it was Lifehouse, FOB, and then Rihanna. Lifehouse was better than I thought they'd be, and I was surprised to find out I actually knew a bunch of their songs. FOB was great, of course. Sorry, I am biased in this situation. It was 100% weird to not have Saturday played at the end of thier set, let alone, not see them headline. Rihanna was so so so so great. Really, I was hoping she's just sing live and be good. She totally exceeded my expectations. Her set was all singles so I didn't feel lost, and she is SO pretty in person. Being about 15 feet from her...crazy awesome. Thank you Pepsi for this (seriously) once in a lifetime concert.


Day 29: "Don't stop the music"

Crowds are won and lost and won again

Show #11. The more I see them, the more I fall in love.

Driving to St. Petersburg is not fun. If you aren't from FL, then you don't understand how far every city is from each other here. The drive was a long, tiresome, ankle hurting, 4 hour drive. I basically drove on a southwest angle through the entire state. We got there early, in the first group of 150. Seeing as to how this show was free (THANK YOU MYSPACE) we got our wristbands and decided to hang out in a nearby Starbucks for a good 4 hours. From 5-8 we waited in line and I finally got to meet Mercedes! That only took like 2 years. From 8:30 - 10:00 DJ Dan Suh (KTC) entertained us, and we made our way up close. The music he was playing was fun, but when you're waiting for Fall Out Boy you are very very very impatient. By now we were really close up thanks to some crazy girl dancing, and it was time to get this show on the road. The set was good, yet I can't say it was my favorite, because it really wasn't. The show in December had a lot more variety than this one did. Most of the songs were singles, and they really didn't play that many new songs (3 if I remember correctly...). Anyway, this was by far one of my favorite crowds for FOB. Sometimes (OK...always) I forget how much fun not being up front can be. Yeah, it's more painful, you get a lot grosser, and all that jazz...but it's just a TON of fun. I did get kicked or headbutt or something in the back of the neck though, leaving me with a ton of pain and a nice scar. Anything is worth how great this show was though. The capacity of the State Theatre is roughly 700 people, and it's definitely the smallest place I've seen them in. The energy and intensity of the crowd was mind-blowing; It reminded me of Warped 2005 which was my first FOB show. Everyone sang to the top of their lungs, everyone jumped during the choruses, everyone was in love with Fall Out Boy for those amazing 90 minutes. I'm glad my mom loves this band as much as I do to let us rack up our car's miles seeing them all over this state.


Day 28: "Do not open before..."Can't wait to see them again tomorrow...!

ra ra shish kabob

Day: 27 "Rush-Rush-Rushing"
Sorry this picture sucks. I really was in a rush.


And I just want to say HAY to Black Abyss, for without our weekly hangout(s), I'd probably go insane. Go clean your room lady. (;

Late night edit...
I'm moving to Chicago.

Two can (and will) play this game

This is one of the most ridiculous games I've ever been involved with. It's draining me of every single emotion. I'm tired of everything, even when I say I'm not.

back and forth and back and forth and forth and back and forth and back again.
When are we going to act our age again? This is one of my final pleas to you. Hope you hear me loud and clear...

Day 26: "Come with your arms raised high"

Hair dye is addicting

Get me to stop coloring my hair, please!

Day 25: "An Addiction"

A well needed Saturday

Let's start with Day 23: "Fresh Air"
This was in preparation for my Grandma's birthday. I think the final shot (a Polaroid) came out great. I sent her the Polaroid already, and I forgot to scan it first. Oops.


Onto today. As most of the human race, I love Saturdays. This particular Saturday I enjoyed very much becuase I spent is with my best friend and my sister, and we had a god time. I don't think I laugh more any other time than when I'm with them and we hit each other and call each other sluts for hours. It's a blast.

The combination of Urban, Subway, Apple, Yogaberry, MCR record make for a great time. Also, Amber's teeny car was quite a ride, if I do say so myself.

After all of this fun, I continued to ruin my hair. No, it doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon...

Day 24: "What flavor is Mountain Dew?"
See this.
After some quick "research" on Yahoo Answers, I guess the flavor is "Lemon-Lime with caffeine". Absolutely delicious!

Happy 76th Brithday, Grandma <3

Attention! Attention!

Private conversations are so 2008. In 2009, big mouths are trendy and in popular demand. Get with it. Tell someone how you feel and ensure that it gets around to the world! Also, I'm glad Circuit City is closing. That place is such a joke. Best Buy has and always will be the electronic store king. A ton of people are losing their jobs? Yeah, well I lost mine too, and I'm still breathing. I need to see all of 'Big Love' season 1, soon.

My picture for today will be posted later.

I'm so tired of the stupid games you play

Listen to it. I won't kill you as the song insists, but I know you'll catch my drift.

Today I, Sarah Nieves, tried confronting someone. I know, what? It was hard, I'll admit. I wanted to cry my eyes out, I wanted to scream, I wanted to run, I wanted to fight. I meant to say so much more but my mind was too busy going 500 miles an hour. My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, my knees were quivering. I hope I don't ever have to do that again. Not really the most "fun" thing on my list of to-do's.

Anyway, I got all that off my chest, and then much better 2nd half of my day started. Black Abyss, I love you! And Toni, thank you for telling me about Whoonu because it's absolutely addicting and fun. Seriously, those people at Cranium are genius.

I ate dinner at 10pm and got free Coldstone because of my fake birthday coupon.
Oh, and I had an awesome hair day.
Happy freaking Thursday.

Day 22: "Put your lips like this"

Shush, girl.

Things have been rather boring, minus the daily dose of pathetic "drama." People just love talking, let me tell you.

Day 21: "Why I don't wear mascara"
Explanation: Because it's nasty. N A S T Y.

Can you believe the mess we made of this?

Currently Listening: Green Day - Give Me Novacaine

Seeing as to how the past 2 posts have been quite...well, they've just taken over my life, to say the least. I haven't had much time to actually post things that should be talked about. I hate that something so stupid DID take up so much time, but it's over and done now, so back to our regularly scheduled posts.

First of all, we have a new President. President Obama was inaugurated into office much earlier today, and it was a great and powerful ceremony. His speech was phenomenal and just seeing how ecstatic everyone was made me feel awesome. I really love this country.

Secondly, I'm procrastinating again. I don't like this. I do not like putting things off because I'm questioning myself. I need to get my act together.

Third, here are my pictures for today, and the past 2 days. Just because I don't post doesn't mean I'm falling off track. This project is the only constant in my life right now.

Day 20: "Fake smile/Genuine emotions"
Explanation: I just wish I could be truly as happy as everyone else is today. I practiced with some lighting, sort of liked it, sort or didn't care too much. There's still too much on my mind.



Day 19: "HONEST"
Please, just read my blogs from the 18th and 20th.
Day 18: "Click."
Explanation: Finally got my remote (all the way from Hong Kong!). I wish I could be thrilled about it, but the timing is totally off.

'Hot 'N Cold' is the theme song to all of this...(The Open Letter, part two)

After about two days to clear my mind, become refreshed, and to just...think, I can now respond to the letter written in response to my "Open Letter." Again, this situation is one of the few in which I will actually use names, so let me say what I have to say, and then this will be over.

Trey -

First of all, I appreciate that you wrote back. I knew you would, really. Besides that, your attempt started pathetic because my name is not "xsarah." I think we're old enough to address each other properly. This is me just being nit-picky though, so I'll move on.

To cut to the point - no, you have not saved anything. I still stand my ground in saying that for now and until whenever, we are no longer friends. I cannot one day say that you have hurt me in a way that no other friend has, and the next day say we should hang out and be best friends again. I hold my grudges. I hope you realize that every word I have said is meant and should be taken to heart, whether they be a question asked, or a statement said. I want you to remember this "fight" and use it to prevent yourself from ruining some other friendships you have.

Vik is 16 years old. I don't know if you remember being 16, but in that age's mindset, along with being in high school, anything a person can get "mad" at, they will. I would think you knew Vik enough to know that she was never seriously "mad" at you. It's a 15 minute thing that, in retrospect, is obviously very preventable. All she needed was some assurance that you'd be there. If she got annoyed with you leaving, so what, she'd live. The point was that you eventually made it. This is obviously a week late and a dollar short, so let's lay it to rest.

I don't care how long you've known whomever you're dating. I don't care when you started hanging out. I don't care about any of that. I think I made it quite clear when I said that as long as my friends are happy with whom ever or whatever they are dating, then I'm happy. You do not know how to keep balanced relationships. This is not only with significant others, but with groups of friends as well. You cannot say that I don't know what it's like to have different sets of friends, because I am far more than experienced. I've gone to 3 high schools in 3 cities, I have "show" friends, I have "band" friends, I have "art" friends, and I have "neighborhood" friends. I know how to make everyone feel equal and like they specifically are my "best" friend. I know that if I'm hanging out with one "set" of friends, everyone else is going to be grumpy and have their panties in a bunch about it. I avoid those situations as much as possible. Obviously, I can't hang out with my friends in Chicago all the time. Toni is my best friend on the entire planet, and I've only seen her 2 times in my whole life. Amber lives 30 minutes away, and she's never gotten to sit in a Publix parking lot til midnight cracking 'that's what she said' jokes. Through all these obstacles, my friends are still my friends and I make sure that they know that I'm their best friend no matter who or what comes between us. I write them letters, I talk to them online, and I do what I can to still make them feel important in my life. You should learn how to do that. You should learn that no matter how many new friends you make or how many people you date, your friends will be there with you through it all, and even though you have someone new in your life, you can still hang out with everyone and make everyone happy without having to lie to people and keep secrets.

Which leads me to my next point. Keeping secrets from me and why you have an issue telling me anything. I don't get it Trey, I really just don't. I mean....Jesus Christ, what are best friends for if you can't tell them anything? I know I can't say you know everything about me, but you know whats important. And currently, when something happens in my life, if you're not the first to know, you're one of the first few. I feel like I'm the last on you list, if not, or even on there at all. It sucks knowing that you called me you "best friend," but then I'd have to ask Kristen or Vik for information. And both Kristen and Vik would stare at me, mouths gaped, "He never told you about that?" No, because I get told nothing. Keebs and I never talked about anything significant, I can tell you that quite confidently. Anything that had to do with you...well, it's old news now, so there's no point in talking about that. You know that still to this day I like xxxx, and for crying out loud, I met the person before you, so I do not see why that's even being brought up. It's very flattering that you look up to me, but try to place yourself in my shoes - it gets weird. My own sister doesn't copy me as much as you do, so when someone is being more annoying than her, it's quite hard to ignore. I hated saying that it bothered me because I know you meant no harm, but it got to the point where if I wanted anything to be unique to me, I had to keep it a secret from you. I paint and draw a lot. I've got notebooks filled with the stuff. I never showed you (or anyone, for that matter) or even really told you these things because I needed something that way solely mine that you couldn't take. Did I really think you'd head out to the paint store and become the next Picasso? No, but I think you can understand where I'm coming from.

It's not the "thanks" that I need, even though you keep insisting upon it. I know you are thankful, and that's great. It's the fact that in our little group, Christmas and Birthdays play a big role because...well, because we are all girls and girls like presents. Not only that, but we like our presents on time. The fact that my birthday was a month ago and that you haven't given me a gift makes me feel like I'm unimportant. Other people owe me gifts, yes, but to each person there's a specific reason and I can tell when I'm given a genuine excuse. You can tell me "I don't have the money," but that's not an excuse I care to hear. You go out and eat, buy yourself things, and etc. I should have gotten my gift on time. For my friends and family I sacrificed the little money I had to ensure that everyone got a great gift and on time, letting my phone bill go unpaid, and my account get overdrawn. Would I do it again? Yes. I like making my friends happy, and no matter the or sacrifice it takes, I will do just that.

I can't entirely speak for Kristen, or Amber, or even Vik, but currently, where I stand, they stand. I know they all are taking "my side" in a lot of this, but I'm not going to tell them or anyone to stop being your friend just because I have chosen to. I know Vik is still sending you messages, and I know she can be harsh. I'm 19 and a bit more sensible, and a lot more serious. Although a lot of this was between the two of you, it did overflow onto our whole group, and as I said before, it hit me hardest. I wouldn't let a stranger make my sister feel as low as you did, and that fact that it was my best friend was horrible.

And with that, this is my response. After this, you may choose to respond, I don't care if you do or don't, but know that I will not write about this topic again. I'm not going to go back and forth with this. I don't when when or if we will ever be friends again, but I do know that it will not be for a long while. I don't get over this type of thing in a matter of a few days, so don't expect that. Don't expect a week or a month, or a season. I can't give this a time frame. All I can say is that I need to get over it, you need to get over, and everyone needs to get over it. When I hit "Publish Post" I will be done with everything and what's been typed is my final statement on the entire ridiculous issue.

Sincerely -
Sarah E. N.

For my friends/anyone who reads this: Please, please, please do not talk to me about this in person. It has taken everything in me to be this bold and post my most genuine and honest thoughts, and I would appreciate it if they could stay here on the Internet. Unless there is something written that seriously offends you, or you find a typo (Thanks, Amber) then please, let's just get over all of this.

An Open Letter

Yeah, I'm going there.

Let's start this off with some basics.

Open Letter (n) - a letter that is intended to be read by a wide audience, or a letter intended for an individual, but that is nonetheless widely distributed intentionally.

Friend (n) - a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

Bros Before Hoes - the law stating that you always keep your buds before the significant other.

Sources: Wikipedia, Dictionary, Urban Dictionary

I have never once posted the identity to whomever I am writing about in my blog. Whether it be a friend, an enemy, a crush, etc. I don't like drama, whether I'm causing it, discussing it, or whatever the case my be. This is MY blog and I can rant and do exactly as I please. I never post a person's name unless it's explaining my day and who I hung out with - I consider this a favor to the person I'm writing about and I will continue to do this for as long as I like, which will more than likely always be true. Today however I am writing a letter and I have found it completely inevitable hide the name of whome this open letter is intended for. I want this to be forever readable by any person online. I reserve the right to do this and no matter what you or he or she or they may think of it, it is (again) my blog and my right to post just exactly how I feel.

So now, with out any more hiding or avoiding the unavoidable, here it is...

Trey -

Right now one of the most true things I can tell you that we are no longer friends. This may or may not be a surprise to you. However you take this, I just want to go through everything and explain myself. I, unlike you, can do that in a clear manner. Although I am currently shaking, whether it be from cold or anger, I will do this with as clear of a mind as I can manage and hopefully, just HOPEFULLY, you will understand my side of all of this.

To start off, I'll state the obvious. Since 2006 I have called you one of my best friends. Right off the bat there was something, and I'm still not sure what that something was, but we just clicked. You didn't have the best taste in music, the best style, or...anything really. And no matter what my other friends said about you - and no, this IS NOT just Kristen and Jello, I'm talking about all my friend's opinions - I was your friend. Do you know what I really liked about you? It was that you, unlike most of my other friends, followed me. I don't mean followed in a literal sense, although I suppose that can apply, but I mean in a way where I could give you advice. I told you about bands, about shows, about anything. In most of my friendships, I look up to the other person. I'd never been able to basically "teach" (for lack of a better word) someone about everything I know about...whatever. I also liked that you were friends with me, no questions about anything. You are like this with all your friends. It doesn't matter what their background is, where they came from, what they look like...you are just a friend to anyone. This however, is not always a good thing, although it is greatly appreciated.

To move on from there, in 2007 we continued to be good friends. I took you to Orlando, to see MY favorite band, Fall Out Boy. I took you to other shows, introduced you to my best friends, and completely let you into my life. You met my mom, my sister; you were no longer just a friend from school. You had become one of my best friends. I put you in my top, put you in my profile, and still, no matter what Kristen or Jello or anyone said, I was your friend. Right at the beginning of that summer we had a little tiff. No big deal, that happens in any friendship. I had gotten a bit annoyed of you, things you say/do, just some small stuff. Most of it may have been the ending of the school year, the stress I was going through, whatever. I never cut you off though, we just didn't talk much. It was a needed vacation.

The beginning of my senior year was great. We had a lunch together, a class together, I was so excited to see my best friend at least once a day. We had fun in psych, at lunch, even outside of school. In May of 2008 I think our friendship hit an all time peak. Not only was I hanging out with you, but now Vik was too. We had our Friday hangouts which included Urban Outfitters and getting you some new threads. It was so much fun to see you go from not knowing much about clothes to having some sort of sense of fashion. I thought it was hilarious to see girls pretty much melting left and right for you. All it took were some skinny jeans, really? Obviously. The summer continued to be great. We started hanging out with Kristen, getting haircuts together...what else could I want? I had 3 best friends, my sister, and everything was going great. And then, as fast as it came, it stopped.

Coming back from Chicago was weird. You and Kristen had hung out a bunch and I now felt totally out of the loop. If someone wasn't hanging out with someone else someone would be mad...blah blah blah. Lies were told, secrets were had. We got over it, mostly. Still, we were friends. Nothing really mattered to me other than the times we all got to hangout in the back of your truck telling dirty jokes and laughing. Those were fun times, don't you remember them?

It had gotten to feel like every week someone in our "group" was mad at someone else. Whether I expressed it or not, I would find something you say to annoy me to no end. I'd play it off though, you were of course, my best friend. I could take the annoying quirks. That is though, until they weren't quirks anymore. They became who you were. What exactly is it I'm talking about? The way I'd tell you something, no matter its importance, and your response would be "Oh." Do you have any idea how frustrating that is? How is someone supposed to respond to "Oh"? If you can explain this I'd love to really know. And I do NOT care about your "I'm cutting that out of my vocabulary" line. You're so full of those lines.

Now you and Vik are now the only ones in high school. By now Vik had obviously come to consider you one of her best friends too. At the beginning of the year, when you two agreed to have lunch together, that was a promise amongst friends, and that is something that you don't break. When my mom told you to look after Vik, she meant that. It was a "lol haha funny" joke. You were supposed to make sure she wasn't alone or upset. No one cares how long you've wanted a stupid lunch pass. I don't care if you're a senior or if you own freaking Englewood. When you have lunch with my sister you TELL her that you'll be gone for 15 minutes. Is that so much to ask, to look after my sister? She's not a baby, all you had to do was text her and things would be fine. Both her and I have had to go through High School with little to no friends. We have attitudes and standards. Yeah, we may know every single person in that courtyard, but if you don't have the IQ to stand next to us, then we would rather be alone than have anyone at all. But Vik had you and you broke that. Because you're a senior, and you have a lunch pass, and you don't "need permission." Please, stop playing the victim, because you don't even have a reason to.

So as the school year progressed, Vik would tell me everything that happened at school, not as a snitch, but as a sister. I know that you might not have the greatest friendship with your brothers, but Vik and I do. We tell each other close to everything, and that's just the way things are. So, you made some new friends...I can't stop you from making all the friends you please, whether I like them or not. (I don't.) I gave one a chance, I wasn't feeling a good vibe from her, and that was that. You want to hang out with her, HAVE A FREAKING BALL, BY ALL MEANS. Who am I to tell you who to hang out with? You're a big boy and can decide that all on your own. But my whole point in this is to ask one thing. Why exactly is it that I could tell you anything, but you can't do the same for me? Is it because I'm not in High School anymore? It can't be that. Why? You told Kristen things that I never got told. You told my own freaking 15 year old sister things that you never told me. Then they'd relay the information to me and I would be completely clueless on the situation. Why? WHY? Do you know how much that hurts to know that someone I call my best friend tells me NOTHING about their life, but in a matter of a few months my little sister knows everything? No, you don't because I've never done that to you. If there was something I never told you it was because I had good reason. It was girl talk stuff...stuff I wouldn't tell anyone unless they are my best friend and have a vagina. Sorry, but that's just how it is with girls. I really am completely flabbergasted that names would come up in conversation with you and Vik and Kristen...and I'd be left there just thinking "Wait...who is this again?" Then later on, after all was said and done I'd have to go and ask Vik just exactly what was going on. I pushed it all to the back burner though. I didn't want to question you. If there was stuff you didn't want to tell me, then why should I force you to. You can tell whomever you want whatever you want.

So now let's move on. I could get over you not telling me things because I DID have Vik. And thankfully I had that otherwise I doubt I'd even talk to you anymore. Recently you have decided to ditch us, your best friends, for not only other people that we really don't care about, but for others in which you seek to not only have a friendship with, but a relationship. You know what, please go ahead and find a significant other, please do. There is nothing more I could want for any of my best friends than for them to find someone to be happy with. Here's the memo you never seem to have gotten though. You NEVER put your friends behind them. What kind of messed up friendships have you been in where you were placed 2nd best to someone the person has only known 2 weeks compared to the 2+ years of friendship we have? PLEASE explain this to me. When that person breaks your sad little heart, who are you going to turn to? Your brothers? Your mom and dad? NO. You turn to your friends. But now, now that you've decided to get rid of me and 3 others...well, I hope Mary and the rest of them will be there to take you to a show, and to help you pick out new clothes, and to go to Starbucks and just hang out with you and make you feel better, really, I do.

And to jsut end this final issue once and for all. It's NOT that you didn't go to lunch with Vik, Trey. That's not it. You don't seem to be able to comprehend ANYTHING. And this is not the first time this is an issue but we won't waste time going that far back. It's that YOU made it into an awkward situation. We, your BEST FREAKING FRIENDS, we weren't to know this mystery person's name. WHY? Because xxxx didn't want anyone to know. Right. Because any of the 4 of us knew xxxx? Then you get mad at Vik because she told me and she told Kristen, and I told Amber. Trey, please tell me who we were going to tell? NO ONE, that is who. Of course, even if you HAD told Vik and Kristen, and heck, even Amber, would you have told me? I know you wouldn't have, so please don't waste your time lying to me. Now let's move to when we visited xxxx at their place of employment. WOW, HOW AWKWARD. You couldn't even introduce us, thanks for making me feel like a nobody, really, it's awesome. Now to lunch 2 weeks ago. You invite my sister into the room with you and xxxx? REALLY? That was going to be a blast right? What, is xxxx going to come and sit with us in a parking lot next weekend too?! Wow, I'm excited. NOT. I don't know how to you that is "normal" but after how you made such a ridiculously large and stupid deal out of hiding xxxx's identity, now we're just all supposed to be friends? That's not how it works, sad to say.

Now on to the birthday issue. First of all, your very welcome for your birthday party. Your welcome for the $40 American Apparel hoodie. Your welcome for the cupcakes, the ice cream, the pizza, for all the free stuff you got out of that day. How nice, your 4 best friends threw you a surprise party and your parents went out of town on your birthday. Do you know that neither me nor my mom has a job? Did you know that we all went out of our way, spent all that money on YOU and what do Vik and I get in return? You forget her birthday, which not ONLY came up on Myspace updates, but Facebook updates, AND THE TV AT SCHOOL. Please, I'd love to hear your excuse on missing all of these. For my birthday you gave me a book. For Vik's Christmas gift you have her a book. My phone bill is 2 months late because I have spent over $60 on JUST YOU, let alone everyone else's gifts. Am I blaming you for this? No, I'm kicking myself for spending so much on someone who I thought would reciprocate the same actions. Obviously I was wrong. So you know, I'm going to make this a matter of money and materialistic items. You owe both Vik and I a gift. I want a gift. And I don't want a stinking DVD or a cd. I spent all that money on you, and if you can't give me something worth that amount, I want the hoodie and shirt back so I can sell them. I am so broke my phone is going to be turned off again and the money would be really nice right about now. I know you don't know what it's like to have these real life issues because daddy has spoiled you so nice. Oh you have debt, really? But he bought you a camera, a new lens, a flash, paid for your gas for forever (yeah, I know he took the card away, go and ask someone else for pity) he has spoiled you down to the core. Trey wants something, Trey gets something. And you want to move out after graduation? Really? You have no idea how hard life really is. You have been though nowhere near half of what I have, so I'd HIGHLY recommend staying at home with the folks. Trust me, you don't have to thank me in the long run.

Do you know what the best part is? The best part is that I could be 10 kinds of evil and exploit you right here on the Internet. I could pass this on to the right people and they would find out all your dirty little secrets. I COULD do that, and so easily, but I won't. I am a BIGGER and BETTER person than that. No matter how beyond freaking angry I am at you, I still respect you for being some sort of human being. It KILLS me to be this angry at someone I cared so much for. To be this angry and upset at one of my best friends. You did this. You are causing me to feel like this. I hope you are either satisfied or suffering, although neither will make me feel better. I don't know if there will ever be an "us" again Trey. I can't believe I'm having to type this to you. If you think I'm being mean, or harsh...you have no idea how hard it is for me to say all of this. I have never once in my life been this honest with someone. I've never been able to say exactly how I feel to someone and right now, I hate you. Do you know that love and hate are the best emotions? With both you are wasting emotions on the person. Right now I still have some sort of emotional attachment to you. When that becomes indifference I will have nothing left but a sad little memory of you that will mean nothing.

With that I am done. Your welcome for the music, for the shows, for the fashion sense, for the haircuts, for the laughs, for the inspiration, for the everything. Today you don't just lose Vik and I, but Amber and Kristen as well. You lost 4 of the best people you could have ever been friends with. I love my friends and I could never ask for better ones. You on the other hand, obviously can.

I am going to end this with the song that will remind me of you, always. I hope you listen to it and remember that for this small moment in time you hurt me worse than any other one friend has. Out of Vik, Kristen, and Amber...I am going to take this the hardest. I was there first. I was the one that called you my best friend. When they didn't care, I did, and I hope that you know that.

I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could come between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright, We’d be ok.

But I was stupid and you broke me down.
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me, that best friends can not be trusted.
And thank you for lying to me, your friendship, the good times we had you can have them back.

I wonder why it always has to hurt, for every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me, how you showed me things I wish I’d never seen.

When the tables turn again, you’ll remember me my friend.
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you miss the most, but you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by, you’ll wonder why, you’re all alone.

Respond or don't respond. I know that I'm done and have said all that I have to say. If you could answer my questions I'd love to read the responses, but if you don't have an answer I understand that you never have so it won't come as a surprise. Goodbye.

- Sarah Elizabeth Nieves

PS - When we played Truth or Dare that one time, and I had to pick between you and Kristen. I picked you. Just so you know.

RUGBY 2009!

Currently Listening: Fleet Foxes

So today Amber, Johnny, Vik and I went to the Rugby match at UNF. Last year's was awesome so of course we couldn't miss this year's. The weather was a ton better, but it was so freaking cold. We sat in the exact same spot as last year (nerds) and, just as last year, the team we were rooting for lost. Amber has concluded that the Leeds Rhinos are dirty cheaters just like the New England Patriots. Afterward we went to Yogaberry which was delicious as always. I came home to an amazing hot pot of Mexican minestrone soup which warmed me up super fast. Kristen came over and we headed to our favorite coffee spot, played some (INTENSE) checkers, dominoes, and trivia, then headed to our favorite place to cause a ruckus, Wal-Mart. I got Whoonu and I'm excited to play it...soon. This will probably be the last time I detail my day on here...it's getting weird.

Day 17: "Frozen"

I enjoy Fridays like this:

Up around 11, eating an egg sandwich (with spicy shrimp sauce!), sushi with a best friend, thrifting (my finds: Ryan Cabrera's first cd, and 2 books, "The Devil Wears Prada" and "The Notebook"!), and watching Family Guy and The Simpsons, followed by movies on TV. (Ironically, The Devil Wears Prada was playing on FX this evening.) I even went to bed early.

Things are getting weird...or maybe normal. I haven't decided on a standard yet.

Day 16: "I'm as tired as I look"
My hair is getting long!

I am a lover of words

Today was mostly uneventful. The morning (the little I was actually awake for) was uneventful, and that carried on into the early afternoon. In the evening Vik and I went to Starbucks with Kristen, played some "Would you Rather," and had a quick Target stop. After this we decided to conduct a spur of the moment "confrontation" or something along the lines of that. I really do not like being upset with or angry at friends, but I refuse to let someone act this way to me or my little sister. It definitely does not fly in my book. After about 30 minutes of awkward and pointless conversation and being stabbed in the heart we left and that was basically the extent of my day.

Since I didn't do much today (which can sometimes be bad) I had time to think about random things (see what I mean?) and I realized it's been 5 years since my Grandpa passed away. To be honest, I don't know the exact day he died, I just know it was before the 14th. I can't believe it's really been 5 years. So much has happened...so much has changed...it's crazy to think about how different my life would be if that one event had never happened. I doubt I'd even have this blog, in all seriousness.
Anyway, whenever I think of my Grandpa I always listen to the same 2 songs on repeat for about 20 minutes. They make me really sad, but they also provide some sort of relief in a way. I only cried once when he died, so every time I hear those songs it's like a therapy session for all the emotions I never showed 5 years ago. It feel good to get that off my chest.

This all ties in, getting things off my chest. I can't say I'm great at confrontations. I'm good at writing - at expressing exactly what I feel in words for you to read. I can't say or speak myself through an open door, which I suppose contradicts itself, but that's just me. I can't tell you how I feel, but if you take a minute to get online and come to page page...well, you'll get to know what I feel about anything in a second. I'm (sort of) sorry things are like this, but this is just how the cookie has decided to crumble. Talk to you soon? (It's up to you.)

Day 15: "Too much time on my hands"

Happy Birthday Vik

Currently Listening: Innerpartysystem - Obsession

Today is Vik's 16th Birthday. It's weird thinking about my little sister being 16. I was just 16...3 years ago. I still see her as maybe a 10 year old. And I still feel 15. Age is such an odd thing.

Anyway, Amber and Kristen came over. We played this neat little dice game called 'Toss Up' which was really entertaining. I can see it being played in the future, along with a lot of arguing. After some pizza, cake and ice cream, our little get together came to an end and then I watched the first 2 episodes of American Idol 8. This season is going to be really great, I can already tell.

Day 14: "Unfocused Eyes"

I am the shadow on the moon at night

Currently Listening: The Airborne Toxic Event - Something New

Do you realize that every second of every day you are getting farther away from my good side? No? I knew that because...well, because you don't realize much. Yes, you know this is for you and I really do not care at this point in the game. It is completely bizarre and nonsensical to me how you are completely oblivious to everything. I should not be shocked though. Hasn't it always been this way with you? It has. (In case you didn't know) I've just gone completely full circle with my rant and I'm becoming repetitive. It's sort of humorous though, and ironic in a way. That's exactly what this whole "thing" is. It's a vicious circle that repeats itself over, and over, and over again. It's become such a boring and tiresome task already. I'm exhausted from defending you - it's become a played out thing. I have been a Good Samaritan from day one. The best part is, have you ever done the same for me? Slim chances I'm assuming. (And I only assume when I know I'm right.) You have made it clearly obvious that the people (or even person) that actually CARED mean a grain of salt to you. Am I taking this the wrong way? Am I being overly harsh? Possibly. How much do I care at the moment? Just as much as you do. Get back to me when you're not so narcissistic. That's when I'll care again, pinky promise.

In much better news...I watched a Nightmare Before Christmas for the first time ever today. It was sort of weird watching it and already knowing a majority of the songs. I really liked it and finally feel in tune with the rest of the planet!

Day 13: "I Don't Care"

Give me a B

Give me a O-R-I-N-G.

Yeah, that spells boring which is exactly what today was. I did nothing but sleep late, watch great CBS sitcoms, and my recorded day old Golden Globes. They were great by the way, and when Heath won for best supporting actor I totally shed a tear. Tomorrow...tomorrow might be when I get sick of your antics. Might meaning will.

Day 12: "What a mess"

Tonight, I mattered

Currently Feeling: ALIVE

I'm glad To Write Love On Her Arms exists.
I'm glad they do a show like this once a year.
I'm glad I live in Florida and that I get to go to a show like this once a year.
I'm glad some of the musicians I look up to most are involved with this cause.
I'm glad that even in a room of almost 2,000 strangers, I feel important.

This was the 2nd Heavy and Light show ever, and to say that I've been to both is a fact that I cherish. There is NO other show on the face of this planet that will make me feel the same way this show did tonight. The feelings and emotions that are composed through the stories, the conversations, and the music are real and powerful and indescribable. I get the chills from thinking about everything that has happened in the last few hours.

The highlight of the night for me was hearing "Dare You To Move" acoustic (sort of) played by Jon Foreman of Switchfoot. I shed a few tears, yes. I think a part of it was finally being able to hear him sing live. I've always really liked Switchfoot, but in that very moment, with all the other feelings from the rest of the show, it all meant something at once and was completely overwhelming.

I know TWLOHA has a rep (whether it be good or bad or whatever) for being this "Jesus loving" organization. I know a lot of people see it as annoying and they don't want someone's beliefs shoved down their throat. Even myself, being a Catholic, it can become an annoyance and I understand why people don't want some random musician giving them a Jesus speech and telling them "God Bless You." Aaron Gillespie said it best though. No matter what you think of any person in that room and the words they speak, no matter what you believe or don't believe in, right there in that moment every single person is loved and important. It's cheesy, it's lame, it's whatever. But for me, it is the honest truth.

This post can not do any justice to the performances, the inspiration, or anything that happened at House of Blues tonight. All I can say is that I have never felt so glad to be alive, and my heart is heavy & light.

Day 11: "Welcome to existence"
Explanation: Jon Foreman is a great, great man. Did I know this would actually happen? I didn't have my hopes up. I am however, ecstatic that it did happen.

OJ's

Currently Listening: Fall Out Boy - (Coffee's for Closers)

Today was 10x better than yesterday. The daytime didn't hold a lot of interest for me, but the last 4 hours of the night were magnificent. I'd been planning this all week, so the fact that it all came together and ended so quickly is really sad. After 6 months (almost to the date) of separation the OJ's were finally reunited! (OJ's of course meaning Original Jamba's.) Jean, Josh, John, and I met up at Ihop, ate, and laughed, and talked, and talked, and talked, and laughed. I don't think I ever realized how much I missed those 3 until we were all finally back together. I love how great we get along, how much we can tell each other everything, and all the stupid and silly stuff in between. I never would have thought my first job would give me such great friends.

Day 10: "Genuinely Happy"

disgusting

Is how I feel. I threw up in the parking lot today. I slept for the rest of the day, drank a lot of Ginger Ale, and slept some more. Right now I'm really hot and in pain and restless and I just want to go to bad but the pills aren't working.

Day 9: "I wish I didn't have to take this picture"

College football is stupid

It's almost midnight and everyone in my building is either drunk, yelling, shooting off fireworks, or the combination of the 3. Thank you for winning Gators, now I have this ruckus to deal with.

In better news, I read my first comic today, as a total accident, and I really really enjoyed it. I think I may have found a new piece of entertainment/way to be a nerd!

Day 8: "I am a gazelle and the jungle is my home!"

Just a normal Wednesday...

Currently Watching: Iron Chef America

Today started with me speeding down 95...sigh, continued with me breaking my last pair of black faux Ray Bans, and ended the People's Choice Awards, which were entertaining for the most part.

Day 7 - "I wear youth boys shirts that Shaun White designs."

HEY-O

I like driving, going to Target, not dropping my Pepsi, and Target popcorn.

Day 6: "Time for some excitement!"

Lazy days

I need to be more productive than finishing my Christmas chocolate. Sadly, I am not.

Day 5: "Goodbye Frosty"

Shadows

Currently Listening: Thrice - Broken Lungs

This song is on repeat, repeatedly.

I don't like "the dark" very much and I'm not fond of shadows either. Surprises and being scared... yeah, I'm not digging that. It's the the shapes and sounds (that never really exist) that keep me on pins and needles. I stay up really really late way too often, therefore a majority of my time is spent in the dark and not in normal daylight hours, and therefore I freak myself out on my own a lot. I try to avoid silence in the night - I can't think of anything else that creeps me out more. I'm not really going anywhere with this other than the realization that it's 3am and everything I'm writing about is just creeping me out more.

Day 4: "We dream of black nights without moon or stars"
(I'm only doing explanations when I feel like it/There's really a need for it)

Revived

Currently Listening: Anberlin - Godspeed

Today I cleaned my room to a great and serious extent. I threw away a LOT of old stuff I'd been saving - posters of bands I don't listen to, old notes from people I don't even know, old homework, so on and so forth. I like saving things but I can admit (unwillingly) that sometimes I take it to the extreme. I had to let go of a lot of past, which I've never wanted to, to move on to a new future. (Which is really lame to say, but it's what fits.) All of this "stuff" was just weighing me down.

Day 3: "I don't have time to look cute when I'm cleaning"
Explanation: Greasy hair, glasses, and no makeup. Yeah, this was a serious cleaning day.

It's only day 2?

Now I remember why I gave this up 2 times before...

Day 2 : "Whatever I take and edit first is what's going up."
Explanation: It was 11:50pm. This is all I've got.

2009

Currently Listening: Bright Eyes - Bowl of Oranges

Resolutions-
1. Stay Positive
2. Go to school
3. Get a job
4. Visit a new place
5. Read a lot (30 books)
6. Don't live on the Internet
7. Run
8. Show more people my art (Photos/Paintings/Writing)
9. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (Not telling, again)
10. Steal less/Give more

Happy 3 years to me. I'm still edge.

I want so many things to come from this year. I started it tired, with a half neat room, held over grudges, new joys, and empty pockets. Maybe for once, it all relies on the irony. We'll see what's to come.

I'm going to do this whole 365 thing again. (Version 2.5) All self-portraits this time around. And dear Blogger, I'm so sorry, but this time you've fallen victim. That means that I'll have over 365 posts this year. That's really sort of sick, to be quite honest.

Day 1:
"I wake up exhausted, it's not morning"
Explanation: The first sunrise of 2009. It was a good 45 degrees out, windier than ever, and my lazy eye was acting up. It was the best start to a New Year I've ever had.
(click to enlarge and see my horribly rushed Photoshop skills)