An Open Letter

Yeah, I'm going there.

Let's start this off with some basics.

Open Letter (n) - a letter that is intended to be read by a wide audience, or a letter intended for an individual, but that is nonetheless widely distributed intentionally.

Friend (n) - a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

Bros Before Hoes - the law stating that you always keep your buds before the significant other.

Sources: Wikipedia, Dictionary, Urban Dictionary

I have never once posted the identity to whomever I am writing about in my blog. Whether it be a friend, an enemy, a crush, etc. I don't like drama, whether I'm causing it, discussing it, or whatever the case my be. This is MY blog and I can rant and do exactly as I please. I never post a person's name unless it's explaining my day and who I hung out with - I consider this a favor to the person I'm writing about and I will continue to do this for as long as I like, which will more than likely always be true. Today however I am writing a letter and I have found it completely inevitable hide the name of whome this open letter is intended for. I want this to be forever readable by any person online. I reserve the right to do this and no matter what you or he or she or they may think of it, it is (again) my blog and my right to post just exactly how I feel.

So now, with out any more hiding or avoiding the unavoidable, here it is...

Trey -

Right now one of the most true things I can tell you that we are no longer friends. This may or may not be a surprise to you. However you take this, I just want to go through everything and explain myself. I, unlike you, can do that in a clear manner. Although I am currently shaking, whether it be from cold or anger, I will do this with as clear of a mind as I can manage and hopefully, just HOPEFULLY, you will understand my side of all of this.

To start off, I'll state the obvious. Since 2006 I have called you one of my best friends. Right off the bat there was something, and I'm still not sure what that something was, but we just clicked. You didn't have the best taste in music, the best style, or...anything really. And no matter what my other friends said about you - and no, this IS NOT just Kristen and Jello, I'm talking about all my friend's opinions - I was your friend. Do you know what I really liked about you? It was that you, unlike most of my other friends, followed me. I don't mean followed in a literal sense, although I suppose that can apply, but I mean in a way where I could give you advice. I told you about bands, about shows, about anything. In most of my friendships, I look up to the other person. I'd never been able to basically "teach" (for lack of a better word) someone about everything I know about...whatever. I also liked that you were friends with me, no questions about anything. You are like this with all your friends. It doesn't matter what their background is, where they came from, what they look like...you are just a friend to anyone. This however, is not always a good thing, although it is greatly appreciated.

To move on from there, in 2007 we continued to be good friends. I took you to Orlando, to see MY favorite band, Fall Out Boy. I took you to other shows, introduced you to my best friends, and completely let you into my life. You met my mom, my sister; you were no longer just a friend from school. You had become one of my best friends. I put you in my top, put you in my profile, and still, no matter what Kristen or Jello or anyone said, I was your friend. Right at the beginning of that summer we had a little tiff. No big deal, that happens in any friendship. I had gotten a bit annoyed of you, things you say/do, just some small stuff. Most of it may have been the ending of the school year, the stress I was going through, whatever. I never cut you off though, we just didn't talk much. It was a needed vacation.

The beginning of my senior year was great. We had a lunch together, a class together, I was so excited to see my best friend at least once a day. We had fun in psych, at lunch, even outside of school. In May of 2008 I think our friendship hit an all time peak. Not only was I hanging out with you, but now Vik was too. We had our Friday hangouts which included Urban Outfitters and getting you some new threads. It was so much fun to see you go from not knowing much about clothes to having some sort of sense of fashion. I thought it was hilarious to see girls pretty much melting left and right for you. All it took were some skinny jeans, really? Obviously. The summer continued to be great. We started hanging out with Kristen, getting haircuts together...what else could I want? I had 3 best friends, my sister, and everything was going great. And then, as fast as it came, it stopped.

Coming back from Chicago was weird. You and Kristen had hung out a bunch and I now felt totally out of the loop. If someone wasn't hanging out with someone else someone would be mad...blah blah blah. Lies were told, secrets were had. We got over it, mostly. Still, we were friends. Nothing really mattered to me other than the times we all got to hangout in the back of your truck telling dirty jokes and laughing. Those were fun times, don't you remember them?

It had gotten to feel like every week someone in our "group" was mad at someone else. Whether I expressed it or not, I would find something you say to annoy me to no end. I'd play it off though, you were of course, my best friend. I could take the annoying quirks. That is though, until they weren't quirks anymore. They became who you were. What exactly is it I'm talking about? The way I'd tell you something, no matter its importance, and your response would be "Oh." Do you have any idea how frustrating that is? How is someone supposed to respond to "Oh"? If you can explain this I'd love to really know. And I do NOT care about your "I'm cutting that out of my vocabulary" line. You're so full of those lines.

Now you and Vik are now the only ones in high school. By now Vik had obviously come to consider you one of her best friends too. At the beginning of the year, when you two agreed to have lunch together, that was a promise amongst friends, and that is something that you don't break. When my mom told you to look after Vik, she meant that. It was a "lol haha funny" joke. You were supposed to make sure she wasn't alone or upset. No one cares how long you've wanted a stupid lunch pass. I don't care if you're a senior or if you own freaking Englewood. When you have lunch with my sister you TELL her that you'll be gone for 15 minutes. Is that so much to ask, to look after my sister? She's not a baby, all you had to do was text her and things would be fine. Both her and I have had to go through High School with little to no friends. We have attitudes and standards. Yeah, we may know every single person in that courtyard, but if you don't have the IQ to stand next to us, then we would rather be alone than have anyone at all. But Vik had you and you broke that. Because you're a senior, and you have a lunch pass, and you don't "need permission." Please, stop playing the victim, because you don't even have a reason to.

So as the school year progressed, Vik would tell me everything that happened at school, not as a snitch, but as a sister. I know that you might not have the greatest friendship with your brothers, but Vik and I do. We tell each other close to everything, and that's just the way things are. So, you made some new friends...I can't stop you from making all the friends you please, whether I like them or not. (I don't.) I gave one a chance, I wasn't feeling a good vibe from her, and that was that. You want to hang out with her, HAVE A FREAKING BALL, BY ALL MEANS. Who am I to tell you who to hang out with? You're a big boy and can decide that all on your own. But my whole point in this is to ask one thing. Why exactly is it that I could tell you anything, but you can't do the same for me? Is it because I'm not in High School anymore? It can't be that. Why? You told Kristen things that I never got told. You told my own freaking 15 year old sister things that you never told me. Then they'd relay the information to me and I would be completely clueless on the situation. Why? WHY? Do you know how much that hurts to know that someone I call my best friend tells me NOTHING about their life, but in a matter of a few months my little sister knows everything? No, you don't because I've never done that to you. If there was something I never told you it was because I had good reason. It was girl talk stuff...stuff I wouldn't tell anyone unless they are my best friend and have a vagina. Sorry, but that's just how it is with girls. I really am completely flabbergasted that names would come up in conversation with you and Vik and Kristen...and I'd be left there just thinking "Wait...who is this again?" Then later on, after all was said and done I'd have to go and ask Vik just exactly what was going on. I pushed it all to the back burner though. I didn't want to question you. If there was stuff you didn't want to tell me, then why should I force you to. You can tell whomever you want whatever you want.

So now let's move on. I could get over you not telling me things because I DID have Vik. And thankfully I had that otherwise I doubt I'd even talk to you anymore. Recently you have decided to ditch us, your best friends, for not only other people that we really don't care about, but for others in which you seek to not only have a friendship with, but a relationship. You know what, please go ahead and find a significant other, please do. There is nothing more I could want for any of my best friends than for them to find someone to be happy with. Here's the memo you never seem to have gotten though. You NEVER put your friends behind them. What kind of messed up friendships have you been in where you were placed 2nd best to someone the person has only known 2 weeks compared to the 2+ years of friendship we have? PLEASE explain this to me. When that person breaks your sad little heart, who are you going to turn to? Your brothers? Your mom and dad? NO. You turn to your friends. But now, now that you've decided to get rid of me and 3 others...well, I hope Mary and the rest of them will be there to take you to a show, and to help you pick out new clothes, and to go to Starbucks and just hang out with you and make you feel better, really, I do.

And to jsut end this final issue once and for all. It's NOT that you didn't go to lunch with Vik, Trey. That's not it. You don't seem to be able to comprehend ANYTHING. And this is not the first time this is an issue but we won't waste time going that far back. It's that YOU made it into an awkward situation. We, your BEST FREAKING FRIENDS, we weren't to know this mystery person's name. WHY? Because xxxx didn't want anyone to know. Right. Because any of the 4 of us knew xxxx? Then you get mad at Vik because she told me and she told Kristen, and I told Amber. Trey, please tell me who we were going to tell? NO ONE, that is who. Of course, even if you HAD told Vik and Kristen, and heck, even Amber, would you have told me? I know you wouldn't have, so please don't waste your time lying to me. Now let's move to when we visited xxxx at their place of employment. WOW, HOW AWKWARD. You couldn't even introduce us, thanks for making me feel like a nobody, really, it's awesome. Now to lunch 2 weeks ago. You invite my sister into the room with you and xxxx? REALLY? That was going to be a blast right? What, is xxxx going to come and sit with us in a parking lot next weekend too?! Wow, I'm excited. NOT. I don't know how to you that is "normal" but after how you made such a ridiculously large and stupid deal out of hiding xxxx's identity, now we're just all supposed to be friends? That's not how it works, sad to say.

Now on to the birthday issue. First of all, your very welcome for your birthday party. Your welcome for the $40 American Apparel hoodie. Your welcome for the cupcakes, the ice cream, the pizza, for all the free stuff you got out of that day. How nice, your 4 best friends threw you a surprise party and your parents went out of town on your birthday. Do you know that neither me nor my mom has a job? Did you know that we all went out of our way, spent all that money on YOU and what do Vik and I get in return? You forget her birthday, which not ONLY came up on Myspace updates, but Facebook updates, AND THE TV AT SCHOOL. Please, I'd love to hear your excuse on missing all of these. For my birthday you gave me a book. For Vik's Christmas gift you have her a book. My phone bill is 2 months late because I have spent over $60 on JUST YOU, let alone everyone else's gifts. Am I blaming you for this? No, I'm kicking myself for spending so much on someone who I thought would reciprocate the same actions. Obviously I was wrong. So you know, I'm going to make this a matter of money and materialistic items. You owe both Vik and I a gift. I want a gift. And I don't want a stinking DVD or a cd. I spent all that money on you, and if you can't give me something worth that amount, I want the hoodie and shirt back so I can sell them. I am so broke my phone is going to be turned off again and the money would be really nice right about now. I know you don't know what it's like to have these real life issues because daddy has spoiled you so nice. Oh you have debt, really? But he bought you a camera, a new lens, a flash, paid for your gas for forever (yeah, I know he took the card away, go and ask someone else for pity) he has spoiled you down to the core. Trey wants something, Trey gets something. And you want to move out after graduation? Really? You have no idea how hard life really is. You have been though nowhere near half of what I have, so I'd HIGHLY recommend staying at home with the folks. Trust me, you don't have to thank me in the long run.

Do you know what the best part is? The best part is that I could be 10 kinds of evil and exploit you right here on the Internet. I could pass this on to the right people and they would find out all your dirty little secrets. I COULD do that, and so easily, but I won't. I am a BIGGER and BETTER person than that. No matter how beyond freaking angry I am at you, I still respect you for being some sort of human being. It KILLS me to be this angry at someone I cared so much for. To be this angry and upset at one of my best friends. You did this. You are causing me to feel like this. I hope you are either satisfied or suffering, although neither will make me feel better. I don't know if there will ever be an "us" again Trey. I can't believe I'm having to type this to you. If you think I'm being mean, or harsh...you have no idea how hard it is for me to say all of this. I have never once in my life been this honest with someone. I've never been able to say exactly how I feel to someone and right now, I hate you. Do you know that love and hate are the best emotions? With both you are wasting emotions on the person. Right now I still have some sort of emotional attachment to you. When that becomes indifference I will have nothing left but a sad little memory of you that will mean nothing.

With that I am done. Your welcome for the music, for the shows, for the fashion sense, for the haircuts, for the laughs, for the inspiration, for the everything. Today you don't just lose Vik and I, but Amber and Kristen as well. You lost 4 of the best people you could have ever been friends with. I love my friends and I could never ask for better ones. You on the other hand, obviously can.

I am going to end this with the song that will remind me of you, always. I hope you listen to it and remember that for this small moment in time you hurt me worse than any other one friend has. Out of Vik, Kristen, and Amber...I am going to take this the hardest. I was there first. I was the one that called you my best friend. When they didn't care, I did, and I hope that you know that.

I thought that I could always count on you,
I thought that nothing could come between us two.
We said as long as we would stick together,
We’d be alright, We’d be ok.

But I was stupid and you broke me down.
I’ll never be the same again.

So thank you for showing me, that best friends can not be trusted.
And thank you for lying to me, your friendship, the good times we had you can have them back.

I wonder why it always has to hurt, for every lesson that you have to learn.
I won’t forget what you did to me, how you showed me things I wish I’d never seen.

When the tables turn again, you’ll remember me my friend.
You’ll be wishing I was there for you.
I’ll be the one you miss the most, but you’ll only find my ghost.
As time goes by, you’ll wonder why, you’re all alone.

Respond or don't respond. I know that I'm done and have said all that I have to say. If you could answer my questions I'd love to read the responses, but if you don't have an answer I understand that you never have so it won't come as a surprise. Goodbye.

- Sarah Elizabeth Nieves

PS - When we played Truth or Dare that one time, and I had to pick between you and Kristen. I picked you. Just so you know.