After about two days to clear my mind, become refreshed, and to just...think, I can now respond to the letter written in response to my "Open Letter." Again, this situation is one of the few in which I will actually use names, so let me say what I have to say, and then this will be over.
Trey -
First of all, I appreciate that you wrote back. I knew you would, really. Besides that, your attempt started pathetic because my name is not "xsarah." I think we're old enough to address each other properly. This is me just being nit-picky though, so I'll move on.
To cut to the point - no, you have not saved anything. I still stand my ground in saying that for now and until whenever, we are no longer friends. I cannot one day say that you have hurt me in a way that no other friend has, and the next day say we should hang out and be best friends again. I hold my grudges. I hope you realize that every word I have said is meant and should be taken to heart, whether they be a question asked, or a statement said. I want you to remember this "fight" and use it to prevent yourself from ruining some other friendships you have.
Vik is 16 years old. I don't know if you remember being 16, but in that age's mindset, along with being in high school, anything a person can get "mad" at, they will. I would think you knew Vik enough to know that she was never seriously "mad" at you. It's a 15 minute thing that, in retrospect, is obviously very preventable. All she needed was some assurance that you'd be there. If she got annoyed with you leaving, so what, she'd live. The point was that you eventually made it. This is obviously a week late and a dollar short, so let's lay it to rest.
I don't care how long you've known whomever you're dating. I don't care when you started hanging out. I don't care about any of that. I think I made it quite clear when I said that as long as my friends are happy with whom ever or whatever they are dating, then I'm happy. You do not know how to keep balanced relationships. This is not only with significant others, but with groups of friends as well. You cannot say that I don't know what it's like to have different sets of friends, because I am far more than experienced. I've gone to 3 high schools in 3 cities, I have "show" friends, I have "band" friends, I have "art" friends, and I have "neighborhood" friends. I know how to make everyone feel equal and like they specifically are my "best" friend. I know that if I'm hanging out with one "set" of friends, everyone else is going to be grumpy and have their panties in a bunch about it. I avoid those situations as much as possible. Obviously, I can't hang out with my friends in Chicago all the time. Toni is my best friend on the entire planet, and I've only seen her 2 times in my whole life. Amber lives 30 minutes away, and she's never gotten to sit in a Publix parking lot til midnight cracking 'that's what she said' jokes. Through all these obstacles, my friends are still my friends and I make sure that they know that I'm their best friend no matter who or what comes between us. I write them letters, I talk to them online, and I do what I can to still make them feel important in my life. You should learn how to do that. You should learn that no matter how many new friends you make or how many people you date, your friends will be there with you through it all, and even though you have someone new in your life, you can still hang out with everyone and make everyone happy without having to lie to people and keep secrets.
Which leads me to my next point. Keeping secrets from me and why you have an issue telling me anything. I don't get it Trey, I really just don't. I mean....Jesus Christ, what are best friends for if you can't tell them anything? I know I can't say you know everything about me, but you know whats important. And currently, when something happens in my life, if you're not the first to know, you're one of the first few. I feel like I'm the last on you list, if not, or even on there at all. It sucks knowing that you called me you "best friend," but then I'd have to ask Kristen or Vik for information. And both Kristen and Vik would stare at me, mouths gaped, "He never told you about that?" No, because I get told nothing. Keebs and I never talked about anything significant, I can tell you that quite confidently. Anything that had to do with you...well, it's old news now, so there's no point in talking about that. You know that still to this day I like xxxx, and for crying out loud, I met the person before you, so I do not see why that's even being brought up. It's very flattering that you look up to me, but try to place yourself in my shoes - it gets weird. My own sister doesn't copy me as much as you do, so when someone is being more annoying than her, it's quite hard to ignore. I hated saying that it bothered me because I know you meant no harm, but it got to the point where if I wanted anything to be unique to me, I had to keep it a secret from you. I paint and draw a lot. I've got notebooks filled with the stuff. I never showed you (or anyone, for that matter) or even really told you these things because I needed something that way solely mine that you couldn't take. Did I really think you'd head out to the paint store and become the next Picasso? No, but I think you can understand where I'm coming from.
It's not the "thanks" that I need, even though you keep insisting upon it. I know you are thankful, and that's great. It's the fact that in our little group, Christmas and Birthdays play a big role because...well, because we are all girls and girls like presents. Not only that, but we like our presents on time. The fact that my birthday was a month ago and that you haven't given me a gift makes me feel like I'm unimportant. Other people owe me gifts, yes, but to each person there's a specific reason and I can tell when I'm given a genuine excuse. You can tell me "I don't have the money," but that's not an excuse I care to hear. You go out and eat, buy yourself things, and etc. I should have gotten my gift on time. For my friends and family I sacrificed the little money I had to ensure that everyone got a great gift and on time, letting my phone bill go unpaid, and my account get overdrawn. Would I do it again? Yes. I like making my friends happy, and no matter the or sacrifice it takes, I will do just that.
I can't entirely speak for Kristen, or Amber, or even Vik, but currently, where I stand, they stand. I know they all are taking "my side" in a lot of this, but I'm not going to tell them or anyone to stop being your friend just because I have chosen to. I know Vik is still sending you messages, and I know she can be harsh. I'm 19 and a bit more sensible, and a lot more serious. Although a lot of this was between the two of you, it did overflow onto our whole group, and as I said before, it hit me hardest. I wouldn't let a stranger make my sister feel as low as you did, and that fact that it was my best friend was horrible.
And with that, this is my response. After this, you may choose to respond, I don't care if you do or don't, but know that I will not write about this topic again. I'm not going to go back and forth with this. I don't when when or if we will ever be friends again, but I do know that it will not be for a long while. I don't get over this type of thing in a matter of a few days, so don't expect that. Don't expect a week or a month, or a season. I can't give this a time frame. All I can say is that I need to get over it, you need to get over, and everyone needs to get over it. When I hit "Publish Post" I will be done with everything and what's been typed is my final statement on the entire ridiculous issue.
Sincerely -
Sarah E. N.
For my friends/anyone who reads this: Please, please, please do not talk to me about this in person. It has taken everything in me to be this bold and post my most genuine and honest thoughts, and I would appreciate it if they could stay here on the Internet. Unless there is something written that seriously offends you, or you find a typo (Thanks, Amber) then please, let's just get over all of this.
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