Radawesome

Currently Listening: Secret Lives! of the Freemasons - Why We Run

The title of this post has no association with the content, but I saw it in Amber's blog and it made me laugh, so I stole it. Yepp. Another piece of shinfo, is it secret lives of the... or secret lives! of the...?I've seen it both ways; on Last.Fm it's without the "!" but on their cds it's written with a "!". I need to know this!

I am so tired. More tired than normal. More stressed than normal. I've been working everyday since last Wednesday, at lease 5 hours every shift. I don't care that I make smoothies for a job, it's a LOT of work and drama to deal with. This is exactly why I'd rather work in a bookstore. I bet they don't have drama!

I saw Paramore last Thursday. I like Paramore from 2005/2006 better, just sayin'. They were good, don't get me wrong, but I used to feel empowered seeing them, and this last time was just like "oh....okay, that was fun." Phantom Planet stole that show off it's feet though, I'm excited about seeing them again.

I have a long to do list for my one day off tomorrow, so I really need to get working on that. I think Wednesday is going to be the highlite of my spring break. We'll see how that goes.

Oh yeah, it's Spring Break and the weather is GLOOMY all week. AWESOME!

Today is dedicated to :

They have and always will mean a lot to me.

Can't Sleep/Won't Sleep

Currently Listening: The Postal Service - Brand New Colony

I hate this.

I have a headache, bad dreams, horrible news, and paranoia keeping me up. I don't understand. Whenever the bright side is near I feel as if we fall into a ditch. I'm scared to death because of you. Leave us alone, please. I don't want this to end any more horrible than it already is. I don't enjoy crying each night about this but I can't help it. I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to face you; all I have is words that I know mean nothing to you. I'm not as scared for me as I am for everyone else. (But I should know better, my pessimistic ways takeover in these situations.) I just need this all to leave my mind as hard as it is to deal with.

This is what I do to clear my mind:
It doesn't help though much though. Nothing does. Do you see what you're doing to me (us)?

I hate this.

all I want is to be with you.....

Currently Listening: Silence.

YEAH, ME TOO DANNY STEVENS. (Let's NOT take that literally.) There's no denying the fact that The Audition ruined my weekend. This was building up to be a great one, and in a matter of 30 minutes it came to a screeching halt. A video shoot? Honestly? Bad move guys, for real. I might go to Orlando on Monday, we'll see. If I go it's to yell at them because I'm going to be fuming about this for a while.

I cannot fail to mention how great Envy was on Friday though, because they were. Every time we see them the show just gets more and more amazing. Landshark Cafe is the most un-legit place ever (125 capacity o rly?), and the power kept going out, and the stage set up is totally awkward, but the show was awesome. Folk & Stress were the most entertaining guys ever, seriously, and drummer boy from Brighten needs a hug, fast. (Amber's version of this story is fun to read as well)

In other news, I need a way to start making money. A new job or something on the side maybe? I know, WP needs to get a start, but uhg, I just hate being broke, it makes my house turn into WW3. Biweekly pay is the dumbest thing ever and I wish I got child support from my father.

This is pretty much it. I'm kind of still too angered to care much about anything else.

FACTS:
I'm going to see J*
I got my (Lapis) AA hoodie, finally
I don't like IE
I cannot wait for summer time and Chicago

PS - Kristen, I love you and our random driving adventures and listening to Bossy and playing hide-and-seek in Wal-Mart for 2 hours. :)

PPS - Landshark gets an A+ for playing Rise Against and The Graduate though, definite highlight.

sleepy

Currently Listening: ATU Soundtrack - Strawberry Fields Forever

I'm really on a roll with posting this month, eh? I'm happy with this.

Tonight (since it is after midnight although it only feels like 11pm) I'll be seeing Envy. It's going to be good. Tomorrow I'm seeing The Audition. An even more amazing night. Sunday doesn't look too exciting, but I have only 3 days of school next week, and then my spring break starts on Thursday which is when I'll be seeing Paramore. I'm so stoked for this following week.

My phone kept messing up earlier. I wanted to have a new phone by now but I'm broke and blah blah blah. It's going to cost me about $170 to get the skID. I have about $100 and I'm almost positive by next week I'll only have about $20. Hopefully after next week, I can stop spending so much, or at least a lot less.

Tonight was really good in that just hanging out with some friends laughing for a while and talking about completely nothing kind of way. I enjoyed myself for a good hour.

I can't wait to stay up every night in the next week. Those nights are my absolute favorite.

YOU BRING ME CLOSER TO GOD

Currently Listening: Envy on the Coast - If God Smokes Cheap Cigars

I cannot believe that last night I met this man:He makes me laugh and think and wish my vocabulary was half as great as his. I absolutely love him and his voice and everything about him. If he had brought Daniel or Jeff with him I probably would have imploded with joy.

This happened at Dillard's last night. There was a fashion show, Q&A, and he even said it..."Where's Andrae?!"

Carry on. My day is looking bright from here.

What's in the soup?

Currently Watching: David Letterman

I really don't like this show, even when it makes me laugh. Jay is better.

Facts: My legs are sore, I'm stressing about schoolwork that I have do, I'm really annoyed with people that lie to me, I might skip every senior activity my school has to offer, and I'm still in a really negative mood.

Hopes: Tomorrow will be my mood changer, I'm going to try and impress Fischer, I won't waste my money this week, and YOU will be my friend again.

Waste of thumb muscles if ya' ask me.

it takes some thought to make a word

Currently Listening: JASON MRAZ

I really have an awful case of "mixed emotions." I don't really believe my emotions are mixed however, I just think they are confused. Is that possible? They are my emotions though, so can't they do as they please? But then again, seeing as to how they are confused, I guess they wouldn't know what to do, huh?

I contradict myself. I guess I shouldn't admit that, but it's true. I'll tell you I'm happy if it'll make you shut up or stop your questioning me. In truth, I'm completely angry and upset with you and or myself. I'm not talking about a specific person right now, this is just in general.

Anyway, I guess right now I'm annoyed. I feel like you're (here's the specificness, of course lacking being specific) taking complete advantage of me and that you are totally unappreciative. Are you? I never thought you would be; it was never like this before. I'm hoping you've just been doing you "activities" a lot for this sudden change in attitude towards me, and I hope it ends soon because I'm not digging it. I don't enjoy being treated like what I'm doing for YOU is worthless, because we both know pretty darn well it is.

I'm tired now, and sore. I really don't feel any need to be happy with much. This needs to change soon, hopefully this weekend. This downer mood has been going on for way too long.

There is no end to what I'm saying.


iwishtheyweremybestfriends:

I tried

Currently Watching : Discovery Channel

I'm finished, but not done. I tried my best and I've heard that's all that matters. Let me know? This burden is the worst I've carried, and is the most guilt I could ever feel. This is both of our faults, and you cannot deny this. I'm always sorry, always in advance.

This past weekend has been a complete roller coaster of emotions. High ups and low downs, best friends and worst enemies. I've only gotten 10 hours of sleep in 3 days, and I've worked 13 hours. If you know anything about me, you know this is not right at all. I'm more than tired, angry, and content mixed together right now. This is life.

I wish the easiest emotion for me wasn't guilt.

This hurts.

A 2nd post 30 minutes later...

I just want to say that right now all my stress is getting out by talking to Toni and Amber a lot. They are my sanity, thank you.

Catastrophe !

Currently Listening: Four Year Strong - The Takeover

Oh, something tells me I'm never gonna live this one down.
But I'm down and out, cause if the tensions' light as a feather then I'd be bored stiff.
We gotta mix things up a bit to keep up my interest.
And this is where you come in - I know, that I could count on you to walk me through.
And I'm making sure that anyone who's anyone can be the someone that they've always wanted to.
I've seen the best and worst of you but we're sticking through.
Cause the without all of the ups and downs we've been through,
You know that its true that I could get really sick and tired of you.

Who knew there was a song out there about us?!

I'm sick sick sick sick sick and tired of this. I cannot keep it up much longer. Annoyance is the least of my troubles. I don't know why I ever thought you were interesting, because to be honest you're just like the rest of them. I could lump you in with them so easily, but yet for whatever reason I've befriended you - which is really a waste you see, because you are 95% like the rest of them. The other 5% of you that I can bare to stand is, I'd like to think, thanks in part to my influence. Sometimes I don't understand you in the least bit and I'm embarrassed by you. Mostly because you try too hard. STOP! This doesn't make me like you any more or less as a person. You do NOT have to be ME for me to like YOU. That's the point , isn't it? For YOU to be YOU. If I wanted a bunch of friends like ME, well Jesus, I'd just be friends with myself!

This is sad, maybe even mean, but so very true. I'm sorry, but it's gotten to that point. This needs to sotp (or even, end) very soon. Please.

It's worth mentioning,

Currently Listening: The Used - Smother Me

That a year ago give or take a day or two, I met my hero. I'm not ashamed to proclaim it to the world how much this man and The Used mean to me. I'll take any garbage anyone will give me for this band because I just do not care. "He's dirty, and a druggy, their music is weak, etc" Whatever it is, I've heard it and I don't care in the least. Both times I met him I was at a loss for words and I know I probably looked like a fool, but with full confidence (excuse the arrogance) I can say that he would rather meet me again than talk to 90% of the other girls trying to talk to him. Just sayin' I'm kind of (really) upse that us southerners didn't get a new tour date but I'm sure with a new cd comes a new headlining tour, so I won't complain.

Now that I've finished that little rant, I can also say with confidence that I have only completed 2 things off of my to do list from the previous post. Kinda sucks, but I kinda don't care. I'm staying up late doing nothing; I'm cool with this fact.

I'm in a really not so fun mood mostly because my best friend isn't going to see the band that made us friends with me because the tickets kind of sold out. Laaaame.

In the past 4 days I've said maybe a total of 5 sentences in my house. I really don't know why either, but the silence is pretty obvious and old already.

In the past 4 posts my moods have been ridiculously all over the place. Sorry.

Hayley Williams is a jew

Currently Listening: The Audition - Ether

I enjoy inside jokes very much, thank you.

Well I had today off, and I have the next 2 days off. This is only thanks to being a senior and the underclassmen have to take the FCAT. Glad I passed that on the first try! Anyway, I had a lot of things that I wanted to do today but I still haven't done anything, and the day is almost over. I'm feeling really...lame, for lack of a better word, about everything right now. I don't feel like doing anything even with people waiting and asking for me to do them. I have no motivation to them them right now I suppose. Maybe if I actually see how much I have to do I'll do it. Probably not, but it'll waste some time, so here it is:

- Finish Othello paper
- Do 4 late Prob&Stat assignments
- Finish this week's FLVS module
- Wash clothes
- Upload WP designs
- Clean my desk
- Finish putting up the posters in my room
- Tag 3 sets of pictures and upload them on Flickr
- Write Cait a response
- Write Poem a letter
- Work on Ymijan's gift
- Watch Georgia Rule so I can get my next Netflix movie

That's quite a bit to do in a day when it's already after 4pm. Here's to procrastination!

Someone is gonna miss you : JP, where are you?

Currently Listening: The Starting Line - Something Left to Give

This is well past over due.

I don't know where you are. I don't know what happened. I don't know much about anything other than the fact that you were here and then disappeared on me one day. I don't think much is difficult about it; we should have taken advantage of our limited time, but we didn't.

I've got a luck of this kind. I meet someone that I think is completely amazing and great and all that jazz. Then I lose contact with them or never see them again. That could've happened with Amber, but thank God I found her by who knows what luck. But JP...I can't find you. Why?

You were my BEST friend for 2 months. I think we just found these ease in talking to each other, and that was exactly what I needed then. Honestly, you were the reason I went to school. I was so happy to hang out with you daily and I loved knowing I was your only friend at school.

The day I was going to ask you to go to a show with me, you were gone. Normal it seemed then, we both missed quite a few days. Then you weren't there the next day, or the day after, or the week after. I was really worried, to say the least. I knew about the issues at home - to an extent - and that's what scared me. How was I supposed to know what happened or where you had gone? Seeing that I was your only friend I had no one to ask about this mystery, which only made things worse.

I don't know how concerned I am about you right now. I mean, I hope your alive and fine, but how am I ever going to know? There isn't a day that goes by at school where I don't wonder though...where I don't hold my breath walking into class hoping you'll maybe be sitting in front of my seat like you used to.

As ridiculous as it may be, you changed my life. You made me KNOW I was not alone with how I felt about some things. I never met anyone like you and I don't know if I ever will. I miss you so much JP, way more than you'll ever know. Those 2 months we had were so short, but the best of my 12th grade year. Maybe you were some sort of creation of my imagination. It's how fell about the whole thing sometimes. But I'm glad I've finally posted this. We all need to love someone.

stop it

Currently Listening : Justice - DVNO

completely getting tired of the way you act. if you didn't try so hard, you'd be a lot more bearable. i don't know why you think you must act/do/say the things you do, but it's completely unneeded and annoying. sheesh.

We are your friends, you'll never be alone again

Currently Listening - You, Me, And Everyone We Know: Livin' Th' Dream

So here's my past 2 days in a VERY SHORT summary...

Luis and I are AWESOME at getting lost. We don't get horribly lost, but it's lost enough. I am the best person to drive with because I have this amazing memory that lets me remember how to get places. The only thing is I forget where right and left are, and I yell. Oh well, it's the price you pay!

So we sped a lot, littered, stopped for food more times than necessary, DROVE OVER A 2 LANE GRASS MEDIAN IN DOWNTOWN DISNEY, spent entirely too long in Virgin Megastore, Looked super cute!, made a million U and 3 Point turns, and we stole a huge orange cone off the side of the road! You'd think 2 people with cameras like ours would have a million pictures to document this, but alas, we fail. I won't forget the past 2 days though, they were insanely great.

Last night we saw Justice. I can't believe I can say that. I saw Justice and they were jaw drpping good. I danced until 2:30am to Xavier's DJ set, and we even got him to sign the CD case. (I honestly didn't think he'd do it, hah.) It was so much fun and definitely worth $25. Plus, how sweet is it that I show up and land right next to Scarlett?! Minus seeing a select few of people I really don't care for there, the night was spectacular. I fell asleep for a while on the ride home, allowing for speeds reaching 120 mph. I would've freaked had I been awake.

Too bad my weekend is going to be a drag compared to this.

Tomorrow I'm playing pretend

Currently Watching : Law & Order SVU

This isn't what I should be doing, but alas, is this ever? This has occupied hours of my past year, seeing that today would be my 1 year anniversary of having this lovely blog. It's been fun.

I have a lot of things on my mind. Its a pro/con kind of deal when you don't know anyone in class. I tend to daydream and think too much. Sometimes it's for the best, but most time it just absorbs my brain and places a burden on my shoulders. This is all because I fill my plate well past it's limit and actually believe I can get everything done. Maybe in some flipped universe, yes, this would work. But in my world it's an impossibility. I know this and yet I go against it to try and prove myself wrong. Is this another pro/con situation? I don't want to think about it, but I more than likely will. (Yet still have no real answer.)

And maybe it's not so much of playing pretend. Maybe it's just going out of my comfort zone. It's doing something I'd normally not. Going against things I say and believe. Being with people I normally would rather talk about and not with. It's really not that bad, and to be honest, probably for the better. (Meaning, better for seeing new things, not a personality change or crazy things like that.) Pro? Con? I don't know, but I can't wait to find out.