Currently Listening: Butch Walker - Maybe It's Just Me
Yeah, so I haven't written in a while. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't want to write. I've been writing drafts and deleting them, but I can never get exactly what I want to say out. I don't want to offend or upset people and I don't want to be questioned. Saying just one thing that I feel could turn into someone taking my words out of context and making me feel and look like a bad person. No, this isn't directed at anyone in particular - yet. But even then I think, "Who even reads this, let alone cares?" Well, my friends do and as straightforward as I wish I could be I am not. Therefore I write with twists and turns and never give a clue as to what I really want to say. Because let's be honest - if I wanted to say it, I would. So whatever with all of this, here's to not ignoring writing about everything and to not being scared to finally say everything. This could be long...(and a mess.)
One of the first issues I'm having is my job. Dear fellow coworkers, you lie and laugh about it and try to act like you are high and mighty. Guess what, we make smoothies and $7 an hour. Most of you will stay in food services all your life and you won't be a thought in my mind in a few years. If I had the balls to do it, I'd print this out and post it on the bulletin board at work. I'm about 90% fed up with everyone there. I feel like I'm at school with the way that everyone talks about each other and no one wants to ever get along. I honestly only trust 2 people there and it's not who anyone thinks it is. So what if I ask for some days of here and there, I work part time and I'm allowed to do that. I don't care what anyone there thinks about me and once I'm gone you'll be more upset than I will be, TRUST ME.
Going with this whole "I don't care attitude, I don't care about school anymore. Did I ever? Not so much, but now I REALLY DON'T CARE. I took my ACT's on Saturday and realized what a joke everything is. Today is the 3rd day in a row I've missed. Sometimes I'm sick sometimes I'm just lazy sometimes I'm avoiding things. Whatever the reason I know that I'm going to pass and I REALLY don't care to be there. I do whatever work I have to do, pass my tests, and I don't cause a ruckus in class. I know I'm a good kid and honestly, that's all I think that matters. Once I get my ACT scores back I can go on and decide what I'm doing in the fall. Until then I'm undecided and fine with that.
Still on the topic of school theres this whole "senior activities" things. Yeah, I spent $400 on a package to do every activity and it's February and I haven't done a thing yet. I didn't go to homecoming, I didn't go on the senior trip (PacTour was much better than that, let's just be serious for a minute), and all that's left is Grad-Night and Prom. Grad-night is looking to be okay, I should probably go to it just to see The Red Jumpsuit. But prom? Thats a dress I have to buy, hair to get done, and it's a dance...yeah, not really my thing. I always said I wanted to go, I mean it's senior prom, it's just something you go to. But why should I go? I have maybe 5 people I actually call friends that I'd even hang out with and I'd rather not. I don't know, maybe I'll change my mind, but I'd rather stay home and sleep or do something productive.
Now, speaking of being productive. Yeah I'll admit, I've gotten really lazy with some things. Making shirts, my modified book, uploading pictures, updating this blog, writing reviews...the list can go on and on. I think this goes along with this whole new "I don't care" attitude. But with these things I do care, I'm just not sure enough about what I want to do with them to even start doing something with them. Wow, that makes no sense. I guess in a way I feel intimidated by it all. I see all this stuff I start, but then can never finish. Or at least, I feel as if I can never finish it. I know if I really wanted to I could have some of my list of things that need to get done crossed off by now, but I just don't, and I don't really have a reason why. Theres obviously a bit of motivation missing and I have yet to figure out where to find some.
There's one more thing I NEED to write about (the BIG thing you could say), but I feel like it doesn't tie in with this whole post. This took me about a week to write as it is, but really I'll post the next one in about a day. I've been itching to post it and right now is feeling like the time has come.
I hate reading this and thinking it's boring. Sorry.
