HAPPY NOT SO REAL DAY!
It's the 29th, throw a party.
I'm hanging out with Kristen and Amber, maybe Luis, going to a school play and eating Larry's for the first time.
I'm content.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
And THEY changed my life
Currently Listening : Bayside - Carry On
"My favorite part of being in a band isn't that you're singing back the words. Its the look on your face when you sing back."
This past weekend was everything I could have asked for. I went to Gainesville and saw one of my favorites and then repeated that process the next day here in Jacksonville. To say the least, I'm head over heels in love with Bayside.
Gainesville is weird and I don't thing I'll be making another trip out there. The venue (Common Grounds) was decent though. The kids down there have a lot of energy, that's for sure. I met some new friends, went in last, and was still against that stage. You don't have to tell me I'm awesome.
The Status was a good opener and I'm positive they'd be a good headliner one day too. Four Year Strong was ridiculously amazing. The music, the energy, the crowd involvement...it was all superb. Straylight Run was beautiful to watch. Sure, if you don't know them you might find it boring, but I was highly entertained. And then the men of the night, the reason all 500 of us kids were there, the reason we stood in that steaming heat; Bayside. If any band knows how to have a live show, its them. I screamed my lungs out, snapped some shots, and felt every word and strum inside of me. I had a great night, and I met J. Nolan. Could things even get better? Yes.
I like driving 20 minutes out to freebird and being in my own territory. The day was beautiful and I was pumped for round 2. Again, just as brilliant as the night before. The only thing better was talking to Chris for about 20 minutes about our Nikon's and photography in general. He really gave me advice that will come into use, and I'm grateful.
All in all, this was an unforgettable weekend. I love Bayside so much.
"My favorite part of being in a band isn't that you're singing back the words. Its the look on your face when you sing back."
This past weekend was everything I could have asked for. I went to Gainesville and saw one of my favorites and then repeated that process the next day here in Jacksonville. To say the least, I'm head over heels in love with Bayside.
Gainesville is weird and I don't thing I'll be making another trip out there. The venue (Common Grounds) was decent though. The kids down there have a lot of energy, that's for sure. I met some new friends, went in last, and was still against that stage. You don't have to tell me I'm awesome.
The Status was a good opener and I'm positive they'd be a good headliner one day too. Four Year Strong was ridiculously amazing. The music, the energy, the crowd involvement...it was all superb. Straylight Run was beautiful to watch. Sure, if you don't know them you might find it boring, but I was highly entertained. And then the men of the night, the reason all 500 of us kids were there, the reason we stood in that steaming heat; Bayside. If any band knows how to have a live show, its them. I screamed my lungs out, snapped some shots, and felt every word and strum inside of me. I had a great night, and I met J. Nolan. Could things even get better? Yes.
I like driving 20 minutes out to freebird and being in my own territory. The day was beautiful and I was pumped for round 2. Again, just as brilliant as the night before. The only thing better was talking to Chris for about 20 minutes about our Nikon's and photography in general. He really gave me advice that will come into use, and I'm grateful.
All in all, this was an unforgettable weekend. I love Bayside so much.
Friday, February 22, 2008
My Apologies
Currently Listening : Bayside - Don't Call Me Peanut
When I make a promise, I intend on keeping it. I don't like being lied to, especially by friends, and I do not like lying to my friends. And so with that, I need to apologize to two of my best friends.
Toni, a few days ago I said I'd send your message the next day. Well I didn't, and the next day I had actual homework to do. Thursday I worked, and well, it's now Friday. I'm starting your message now, and I'm not sure if I'll finish. You're a lot better at these - I can't remember days for the life of me. This WILL be a good one though, and definitely a long one. If I don't finish will you have it before this weekend is up, I PROMISE and I MEAN IT. I'm really sorry it takes me forever though.
Ymijan, my little diy gift thing is coming along...slowly. I know I say it a lot, but I've become a perfectionist with it and I'm taking my time. I know it was supposed to be a Christmas gift, but it'll now jsut be a birthday gift? I hope that's okay. I don't mean to take a million years with it, but you will have it soon, really honestly and truly.
Also, I know I need to update my Flickr because I'm horrible at it right now. I have quite a bit of late work due for school. I need to clean my room and my computer desk. My cd's are all over the place along with letters and things. I'm trying to get organized and on top of things. This is a slow process, but I do believe it's coming along.
When I make a promise, I intend on keeping it. I don't like being lied to, especially by friends, and I do not like lying to my friends. And so with that, I need to apologize to two of my best friends.
Toni, a few days ago I said I'd send your message the next day. Well I didn't, and the next day I had actual homework to do. Thursday I worked, and well, it's now Friday. I'm starting your message now, and I'm not sure if I'll finish. You're a lot better at these - I can't remember days for the life of me. This WILL be a good one though, and definitely a long one. If I don't finish will you have it before this weekend is up, I PROMISE and I MEAN IT. I'm really sorry it takes me forever though.
Ymijan, my little diy gift thing is coming along...slowly. I know I say it a lot, but I've become a perfectionist with it and I'm taking my time. I know it was supposed to be a Christmas gift, but it'll now jsut be a birthday gift? I hope that's okay. I don't mean to take a million years with it, but you will have it soon, really honestly and truly.
Also, I know I need to update my Flickr because I'm horrible at it right now. I have quite a bit of late work due for school. I need to clean my room and my computer desk. My cd's are all over the place along with letters and things. I'm trying to get organized and on top of things. This is a slow process, but I do believe it's coming along.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Hey you,
Currently Listening: Bayside - Dear Tragedy
You suck, and you suck, and you suck, and yeah you, you're annoying.
I've come to notice that I care way too much. I forget to think about other, way more important, things. I don't put myself on top of my priorities and I'm going to ruin myself with this.
what what what what what ever.
sometimes i like double posts.
You suck, and you suck, and you suck, and yeah you, you're annoying.
I've come to notice that I care way too much. I forget to think about other, way more important, things. I don't put myself on top of my priorities and I'm going to ruin myself with this.
what what what what what ever.
sometimes i like double posts.
sitting in class
Is exactly what I'm doing right now. Geiger's to be exact, (that would be Personal, Social, and Family skills) which means I'm doing absolutely nothing. Today is progress reports and I know I'm not doing to hot in any of my classes. Too late to change any of that...
On Tuesday Amber, Vik and I went to the We Shot The Moon/Sherwood show. I enjoyed myself even with all the change of plans and the not really knowing everyone there thing. I am SO tired of slutty girls thinking their poo honestly doesn't stink. I really don't understand. WHY can't you just get in line behind the last person in line? No, you must start drama and be completely obnoxious and cut me. Well you proved how tuff you were went you went to the other side of the stage sweetie! Anyway. Jonathan was really nice and whatshisname from Houston Calls thinks my camera sucks. At least I got a mini lesson from Ericka!
This weekend is going to be a highlight of my year, I know it.
On Tuesday Amber, Vik and I went to the We Shot The Moon/Sherwood show. I enjoyed myself even with all the change of plans and the not really knowing everyone there thing. I am SO tired of slutty girls thinking their poo honestly doesn't stink. I really don't understand. WHY can't you just get in line behind the last person in line? No, you must start drama and be completely obnoxious and cut me. Well you proved how tuff you were went you went to the other side of the stage sweetie! Anyway. Jonathan was really nice and whatshisname from Houston Calls thinks my camera sucks. At least I got a mini lesson from Ericka!
This weekend is going to be a highlight of my year, I know it.
Monday, February 18, 2008
so much has happened
Currently Listening : Tegan & Sara - Nineteen
I am such a failure for being awful at updating this recently. Whoops, sorry.
things you've missed:
My toe was cut into for a needle I stepped on and yes, it was quite painful. (mmm hydrocodine was nice for 2 days) I've been sick about 3 times in the past month; again, not fun. I got patd guest list and being excited for this is an understatement. I started my after school classes, they are pretty ok. I don't get very many hours at work which makes me quite mad and annoyed, but I'm basically over it. I just about blinded my right eye with my contact again. I think I've become a *little* better at avoiding procrastination. I've been working on my modified book and I think it's really nice! I haven't really hung out with anyone in a while, just a few times with Kristen here and there. I feel like I haven't been to a show in a while either, but at least I have 3 this week. I'm going to color my hair dark again, I'm tired of this odd bronze color. Ymijan's gift is coming out really cool! I love Special K protein bars (especially chocolatey chip!) and Publix Berry Crumb Cake yogurt. Hmmm, I think I'm going to get a SK ID next month, and start saving money for clothes and summertime.
I'll be back.
I am such a failure for being awful at updating this recently. Whoops, sorry.
things you've missed:
My toe was cut into for a needle I stepped on and yes, it was quite painful. (mmm hydrocodine was nice for 2 days) I've been sick about 3 times in the past month; again, not fun. I got patd guest list and being excited for this is an understatement. I started my after school classes, they are pretty ok. I don't get very many hours at work which makes me quite mad and annoyed, but I'm basically over it. I just about blinded my right eye with my contact again. I think I've become a *little* better at avoiding procrastination. I've been working on my modified book and I think it's really nice! I haven't really hung out with anyone in a while, just a few times with Kristen here and there. I feel like I haven't been to a show in a while either, but at least I have 3 this week. I'm going to color my hair dark again, I'm tired of this odd bronze color. Ymijan's gift is coming out really cool! I love Special K protein bars (especially chocolatey chip!) and Publix Berry Crumb Cake yogurt. Hmmm, I think I'm going to get a SK ID next month, and start saving money for clothes and summertime.
I'll be back.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Finally
Currently Listening: Panic at the Disco - Nine in the Afternoon
This is mostly a continuation of my last post, except I like this one better.
So in the past few months I have come to see how some people around me, be they friends or just people, truly and really are and feel. I really don't get it to be honest. If you don't like someone so much why would you waste so much time, energy, and money begin friends and hanging out with them? Since last October 2 really good friends of mine decided we couldn't be friends anymore. I wish could know the reason of why I must suck so bad as a friend to have 2 people so abruptly just not want to ever talk to me again. And in both cases, I wasn't the friend that they tried to hurt. But it still did. I considered both of these girls my very best friends, and both just changed in a matter of days and decided this was how they wanted to be in life. Well more props to them I guess, but they way you've decided upon ending a friendship sucks if I do say so myself. Both of you "think" you're going somewhere in life. Call me in 5 years and let me know how that's going, okay?
I'm really fed up with kids at school. Being that this is my 3rd high school, I came in with a state of mind that I didn't want to make any friends. I think it's pretty inevitable to make a few here and there though. I only have about 10 friends at school and that's enough for me. I don't really want to deal with, let alone remember a lot of people. I've been called snotty for this. I don't see it as that, but maybe it is, so what? I don't like you, I don't have to like you, and you don't have to like me. This is why in more than half my classes I just sit there quietly and do my work. I don't need to deal with these people. It's easier to not know anyone and be completely unknown and just have to deal with class work...and I like it better that way.
Sometimes though, I get really tired of the friends I have or hang out with a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with my friends, but after you are with them every. single. day...it sometimes gets on my nerves. I only have specific people that this happens with, and maybe it's just cause we shouldn't hang out at all. Maybe it's because they are really that stupid. I don't know, but sometimes I just like some of my friends more than I like others. Is that normal? Is that wrong? Again, I don't know.I have come to the conclusion that I have trust issues. I'm a pretty pessimistic person (if it wasn't obvious already) and I don't expect much from anyone nor do I trust half of what is coming out of their mouths, best friends or not. I feel guilty for questioning my best friends, through words, actions, whatever. I consider a lot of my friends "best" friends for whatever unknown reason...it's like I'm just throwing the word out there and taking it for granted. Again, here comes the guilt. This really makes me frustrated and now I'm starting to hate this post. This isn't sounding right and I can't find the right way to say all of this with out letting on or ticking off people. In all honesty, I think I'm a really good friend. Better than some of the ones I've had, that's for sure. I try, and if someone doesn't like it, than goodbye. Whatever, I'm done.
And because I can, here are my best friends. Yeah, my dog is in here too.
This is mostly a continuation of my last post, except I like this one better.
So in the past few months I have come to see how some people around me, be they friends or just people, truly and really are and feel. I really don't get it to be honest. If you don't like someone so much why would you waste so much time, energy, and money begin friends and hanging out with them? Since last October 2 really good friends of mine decided we couldn't be friends anymore. I wish could know the reason of why I must suck so bad as a friend to have 2 people so abruptly just not want to ever talk to me again. And in both cases, I wasn't the friend that they tried to hurt. But it still did. I considered both of these girls my very best friends, and both just changed in a matter of days and decided this was how they wanted to be in life. Well more props to them I guess, but they way you've decided upon ending a friendship sucks if I do say so myself. Both of you "think" you're going somewhere in life. Call me in 5 years and let me know how that's going, okay?
I'm really fed up with kids at school. Being that this is my 3rd high school, I came in with a state of mind that I didn't want to make any friends. I think it's pretty inevitable to make a few here and there though. I only have about 10 friends at school and that's enough for me. I don't really want to deal with, let alone remember a lot of people. I've been called snotty for this. I don't see it as that, but maybe it is, so what? I don't like you, I don't have to like you, and you don't have to like me. This is why in more than half my classes I just sit there quietly and do my work. I don't need to deal with these people. It's easier to not know anyone and be completely unknown and just have to deal with class work...and I like it better that way.
Sometimes though, I get really tired of the friends I have or hang out with a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with my friends, but after you are with them every. single. day...it sometimes gets on my nerves. I only have specific people that this happens with, and maybe it's just cause we shouldn't hang out at all. Maybe it's because they are really that stupid. I don't know, but sometimes I just like some of my friends more than I like others. Is that normal? Is that wrong? Again, I don't know.I have come to the conclusion that I have trust issues. I'm a pretty pessimistic person (if it wasn't obvious already) and I don't expect much from anyone nor do I trust half of what is coming out of their mouths, best friends or not. I feel guilty for questioning my best friends, through words, actions, whatever. I consider a lot of my friends "best" friends for whatever unknown reason...it's like I'm just throwing the word out there and taking it for granted. Again, here comes the guilt. This really makes me frustrated and now I'm starting to hate this post. This isn't sounding right and I can't find the right way to say all of this with out letting on or ticking off people. In all honesty, I think I'm a really good friend. Better than some of the ones I've had, that's for sure. I try, and if someone doesn't like it, than goodbye. Whatever, I'm done.
And because I can, here are my best friends. Yeah, my dog is in here too.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
stay away, hideout, run
Currently Listening: Butch Walker - Maybe It's Just Me
Yeah, so I haven't written in a while. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't want to write. I've been writing drafts and deleting them, but I can never get exactly what I want to say out. I don't want to offend or upset people and I don't want to be questioned. Saying just one thing that I feel could turn into someone taking my words out of context and making me feel and look like a bad person. No, this isn't directed at anyone in particular - yet. But even then I think, "Who even reads this, let alone cares?" Well, my friends do and as straightforward as I wish I could be I am not. Therefore I write with twists and turns and never give a clue as to what I really want to say. Because let's be honest - if I wanted to say it, I would. So whatever with all of this, here's to not ignoring writing about everything and to not being scared to finally say everything. This could be long...(and a mess.)
One of the first issues I'm having is my job. Dear fellow coworkers, you lie and laugh about it and try to act like you are high and mighty. Guess what, we make smoothies and $7 an hour. Most of you will stay in food services all your life and you won't be a thought in my mind in a few years. If I had the balls to do it, I'd print this out and post it on the bulletin board at work. I'm about 90% fed up with everyone there. I feel like I'm at school with the way that everyone talks about each other and no one wants to ever get along. I honestly only trust 2 people there and it's not who anyone thinks it is. So what if I ask for some days of here and there, I work part time and I'm allowed to do that. I don't care what anyone there thinks about me and once I'm gone you'll be more upset than I will be, TRUST ME.
Going with this whole "I don't care attitude, I don't care about school anymore. Did I ever? Not so much, but now I REALLY DON'T CARE. I took my ACT's on Saturday and realized what a joke everything is. Today is the 3rd day in a row I've missed. Sometimes I'm sick sometimes I'm just lazy sometimes I'm avoiding things. Whatever the reason I know that I'm going to pass and I REALLY don't care to be there. I do whatever work I have to do, pass my tests, and I don't cause a ruckus in class. I know I'm a good kid and honestly, that's all I think that matters. Once I get my ACT scores back I can go on and decide what I'm doing in the fall. Until then I'm undecided and fine with that.
Still on the topic of school theres this whole "senior activities" things. Yeah, I spent $400 on a package to do every activity and it's February and I haven't done a thing yet. I didn't go to homecoming, I didn't go on the senior trip (PacTour was much better than that, let's just be serious for a minute), and all that's left is Grad-Night and Prom. Grad-night is looking to be okay, I should probably go to it just to see The Red Jumpsuit. But prom? Thats a dress I have to buy, hair to get done, and it's a dance...yeah, not really my thing. I always said I wanted to go, I mean it's senior prom, it's just something you go to. But why should I go? I have maybe 5 people I actually call friends that I'd even hang out with and I'd rather not. I don't know, maybe I'll change my mind, but I'd rather stay home and sleep or do something productive.
Now, speaking of being productive. Yeah I'll admit, I've gotten really lazy with some things. Making shirts, my modified book, uploading pictures, updating this blog, writing reviews...the list can go on and on. I think this goes along with this whole new "I don't care" attitude. But with these things I do care, I'm just not sure enough about what I want to do with them to even start doing something with them. Wow, that makes no sense. I guess in a way I feel intimidated by it all. I see all this stuff I start, but then can never finish. Or at least, I feel as if I can never finish it. I know if I really wanted to I could have some of my list of things that need to get done crossed off by now, but I just don't, and I don't really have a reason why. Theres obviously a bit of motivation missing and I have yet to figure out where to find some.
There's one more thing I NEED to write about (the BIG thing you could say), but I feel like it doesn't tie in with this whole post. This took me about a week to write as it is, but really I'll post the next one in about a day. I've been itching to post it and right now is feeling like the time has come.
I hate reading this and thinking it's boring. Sorry.
Yeah, so I haven't written in a while. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't want to write. I've been writing drafts and deleting them, but I can never get exactly what I want to say out. I don't want to offend or upset people and I don't want to be questioned. Saying just one thing that I feel could turn into someone taking my words out of context and making me feel and look like a bad person. No, this isn't directed at anyone in particular - yet. But even then I think, "Who even reads this, let alone cares?" Well, my friends do and as straightforward as I wish I could be I am not. Therefore I write with twists and turns and never give a clue as to what I really want to say. Because let's be honest - if I wanted to say it, I would. So whatever with all of this, here's to not ignoring writing about everything and to not being scared to finally say everything. This could be long...(and a mess.)
One of the first issues I'm having is my job. Dear fellow coworkers, you lie and laugh about it and try to act like you are high and mighty. Guess what, we make smoothies and $7 an hour. Most of you will stay in food services all your life and you won't be a thought in my mind in a few years. If I had the balls to do it, I'd print this out and post it on the bulletin board at work. I'm about 90% fed up with everyone there. I feel like I'm at school with the way that everyone talks about each other and no one wants to ever get along. I honestly only trust 2 people there and it's not who anyone thinks it is. So what if I ask for some days of here and there, I work part time and I'm allowed to do that. I don't care what anyone there thinks about me and once I'm gone you'll be more upset than I will be, TRUST ME.
Going with this whole "I don't care attitude, I don't care about school anymore. Did I ever? Not so much, but now I REALLY DON'T CARE. I took my ACT's on Saturday and realized what a joke everything is. Today is the 3rd day in a row I've missed. Sometimes I'm sick sometimes I'm just lazy sometimes I'm avoiding things. Whatever the reason I know that I'm going to pass and I REALLY don't care to be there. I do whatever work I have to do, pass my tests, and I don't cause a ruckus in class. I know I'm a good kid and honestly, that's all I think that matters. Once I get my ACT scores back I can go on and decide what I'm doing in the fall. Until then I'm undecided and fine with that.
Still on the topic of school theres this whole "senior activities" things. Yeah, I spent $400 on a package to do every activity and it's February and I haven't done a thing yet. I didn't go to homecoming, I didn't go on the senior trip (PacTour was much better than that, let's just be serious for a minute), and all that's left is Grad-Night and Prom. Grad-night is looking to be okay, I should probably go to it just to see The Red Jumpsuit. But prom? Thats a dress I have to buy, hair to get done, and it's a dance...yeah, not really my thing. I always said I wanted to go, I mean it's senior prom, it's just something you go to. But why should I go? I have maybe 5 people I actually call friends that I'd even hang out with and I'd rather not. I don't know, maybe I'll change my mind, but I'd rather stay home and sleep or do something productive.
Now, speaking of being productive. Yeah I'll admit, I've gotten really lazy with some things. Making shirts, my modified book, uploading pictures, updating this blog, writing reviews...the list can go on and on. I think this goes along with this whole new "I don't care" attitude. But with these things I do care, I'm just not sure enough about what I want to do with them to even start doing something with them. Wow, that makes no sense. I guess in a way I feel intimidated by it all. I see all this stuff I start, but then can never finish. Or at least, I feel as if I can never finish it. I know if I really wanted to I could have some of my list of things that need to get done crossed off by now, but I just don't, and I don't really have a reason why. Theres obviously a bit of motivation missing and I have yet to figure out where to find some.
There's one more thing I NEED to write about (the BIG thing you could say), but I feel like it doesn't tie in with this whole post. This took me about a week to write as it is, but really I'll post the next one in about a day. I've been itching to post it and right now is feeling like the time has come.
I hate reading this and thinking it's boring. Sorry.
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