my left index finder has a horrible cut on it.

Currently Listening: 2*Sweet - What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Well my back hurts, my legs hurt, I have a headache, and I'm already tired of my summer hours. I wake up, do nothing for a few hours, go to work, get tired and beat up, and then I sleep and the process just repeats over and over again. It's the best life...

I bought this wide angle lens off ebay about 10 minutes ago.
Awesome, I know. My expenses are currently freaking me out; I feel like I'm missing money. Whatever, it's better if I am - at least it's something I'm not spending.

Our apartment is so clean it freaks me out. Oh the joy of family coming and staying. Right, no.

Upcoming Events: cap n' gown fitting, Mom's bday, graduation, 222222222*SWEEEEETTT.

Side Effects

Currently Watching: Today w/ K. Lee & Hoda (I really don't like Kathy Lee. Really)

I really enjoy not waking up early, forgetting the last time I showered, not going out for days at a time, and all those side effects that come along with being on summer vacation. But at the same time I am so restless. I'm tired of just watching TV, listening to music, doing laundry and cleaning, and just begin a complete bum. I could go swimming or tanning but I don't like all the 7 year olds in the pool/ugly dudes tanning. I should just lay on my balcony or...something. Also, I'm tired of just going to work, but let's not even start with that topic.

For not going to a single show in May, I have so many shows in June and July. I really enjoy spending money I shouldn't.

Listen to LIGHTS. Thanks, Old Navy.

Oh the irony...

Currently Listening: The All-American Rejects - Dance Inside

Irony - an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

It's ironic that we are at this position again.
It's ironic that I am stuck, confused, unsure, again.
It's ironic that I thought we had gotten over this, and everything.

I don't want to move again for the sole fact of missing my friends. I always "joke" about only having a handful of friends, but it's true. I don't like making new friends in new places every year, it gets old. I went to 3 different high school, met tons of people, and here I stand out of school with about 10 friends. I don't want to leave more people again, it's the worst feeling ever.

I hate feeling like we aren't doing enough to get out of whatever hole we are in. We try and try and try, and it just gets deeper. All we want to do is be happy. Since when is this so much to ask for?

This is the most miserable/happy I've ever been. I don't even have an emotion for all of this.

to the world:

I claim I'm not excited with my life anymore, so I blame this town, this job, these friends. The truth is it's myself, and I'm trying to understand myself and pinpoint where I am. When I finally get it figured out, I've changed the whole plan. I've changed my mind so much I cant even trust it, my mind changed me so much I can't even trust myself.

happy 100th post to me.

the most "whatever" attitude ever.

(i wish i actually liked this song)

I stopped counting after 30...

Currently Watching: Dancing With the Stars

I voted for David Cook - the only one who deserves to win. Just sayin'.

Today was my last day of school. I am no longer in high school. It's done and over and I made it. Yeah okay, I have to go and take a test tomorrow and turn in my art project, but other than being there for about an hour tomorrow, you couldn't pay me to go back, ever.

Oh, how about you go to smartpunk and buy SLEEP WITHOUT DREAMS. Yeah, do it.

The clock is ticking...

Currently Listening: Lights - White

The months have turned to days, which in turn have become mere hours. In less than 48 hours I'll be relieved from this wicked system I've been thrown in for the past 4 years. In less than 48 hours I'll be out of high school. 48 hours is such a short amount of time and yet so long.

I'm ecstatic.

Complaint-less

Currently Listening: Lights - The Last Thing On Your Mind

I'm having a really good weekend. Minus this still recovering from my cold part and the being tired part and the having to work part. Okay, it doesn't sound too great, but really it's been awesome. Friday I worked with a bunch of people I love and then came home, watched AFV and baked some cupcakes for my Jamba babies. Saturday I had to open which is a bummer, but Carmen is not! They all loved my cupcakes so much that I had to bake a 2nd batch to take after my shift was over! Jean, Josh, my mother and myself attempted going to the ACS event, but it was well past over by the time we got there so we just gave the smoothies to the Wolfson (boo) football team. Then my mom's car broke, only not really, so we sat around and talked for a good hour plus. It was really nice out and I highly enjoyed myself. At around 6 or so Trey came and picked up Vik and I and we went to At. John's to help him buy new clothes. LET ME JUST SAY, Vik and I should totally be personal shoppers, because we totally ruled at life today. Trey, you know this is true. Then we had Starbucks and talked for a long time outside, and then we played with the piano at Target for about 5 minutes. At 10 we got home and I got online to see the BEST email ever in my Inbox (THANKS FBR). And now I'm sitting here listening to he cutest song ever and just being really happy.

School is out in a few days, the weather is beautiful, I'm carefree and ready to get this summer started. Life is going amazing.

PS - Amber, I hope your grandma gets better. I really really really do. xo.

noise to the world

Currently Listening: Rise Against - State of the Union (Live)

I might not love my first favorite band as much as I used to, but I'm not going to deny them. They were the first band I ever loved, saw live, road-tripped to see, put up posters of on my wall, and obsessed for a good year plus. I never took so much garbage for a band as I did for them and I'll still defend them. I'm glad they were the band that brought me to the music I listen to now, and I know it's a complete 360, but without them who knows where I'd be in the music world.

It's been 3 long years. I've forgotten about them, ignored them, and found my love for them again. In July I'll be seeing them after this drought of losing them, and no one truly knows (well okay, Amber) how excited I am to see them live again. If I could get that chance I'd like to thank them... for everything.

Am I a mean person?

Currently Listening: Thrice - Broken Lungs

Dead serious question. I don't try to be mean, ever. I'm mean a an extremely sarcastic way toward my friends, but that's about as far as I take it. Please, if I'm ever being mean (unless it's for a certain reason or situation) let me know. It's really not how I'd like people to remember me.

You put yourself on this path you are on. I tried to help you out, but you ignored all my good intentions. This is not my fault and you deserve all the consequences you are being dealt. I'm sorry only because we've come this far and with my own eyes I've watched you through it all away. I only wish you the best.

As for YOU...you can STILL be everything that should've been. God, I miss you so much. I can't tell you that though because you already have me on the creep list, I know it. Just know, it's always going to be mutual.

I'm just trying to figure out who I should even waste my time on anymore.

Summer Shudder

Currently Listening: AFI - Prelude 12/21

I have a cold. My nose is all stuffed, I have a sinus headache, my throat is sore, and I just do not feel good. This always happens right when summer is starting because of all the in and out of air conditioning to heat and vice versa. Definitely a bummer.

Today I went to the Avenues Mall because Vik had a haircut appointment. I went wandering by myself and first saw some dude bleeding and unconscious right in front of the escalators. Definitely some crazy junk going on there. Then while walking to FYE, some guy told me he liked my hoodie. It was my Bayside hoodie, so I mean how could you honestly deny it? Well, turns out it was the guys of Kids of Survival and Young and Divine. I bought the KOS cd and we talked for a while. I feel guilty for not making it out to the show tonight. I know the turnout was horrible because A.) It's Monday B.) It's finals week. C) THIS IS JACKSONVILLE, DUH. Oh well, next time you guys, for sure.

Right now I'm avoiding doing much of anything, making my Chicago itinerary, and listening to AFI and The All-American Rejects. Let's not mention how cool I am.

more than one meaning to this which we call a gift

Currently Listening: The Matches - Wake The Sun

Today is Mother's Day, and a very good one at that. I know today is not about the gifts, but a year where I can actually afford to give my mom something she needs/wants is a good year. I got her some sandals, foot lotion stuff, and chocolate. Oh, and McDonald's for dinner! Nothing big, nothing extravagant, but she needed them. I know my mom gives me everything I need plus some, and the past 3 years have been an insane roller coaster of adventure for our little tripod of a family, so giving her those things made me happy to be where we finally are. I love my mommy :)

So what's been happening and going on? I've been listening to bands I normally don't, looking into some old lenses/film cameras to purchase, going to school EVERY DAY and ON TIME, taking many naps, not caring about my hair as much, avoiding the internet, uploading pictures to flickr, rererererereading my yearbook, planning on tanning, trying to not bite my nails, and some other random things. That's basically all of it, in a very brief sentence.

Meghan called me today and it made me way more excited than I already was to be home. I miss those familiar voices and connot wait to see their faces. 80 days and counting dear Chicago, and we shall be reunited.

Today is the 2nd to last Sunday where I actually have to be in bed at a decent time to wake up for school on Monday.

i need

$$

:(

today is worthy of 2 posts.

i can't believe what just happened, but i am so happy.
woah woah woah woah WOAH.

i knew it would work, eventually. my teeny tiny bit of optimism finally paid off.

:)

really?

Currently Listening: Death Cab For Cutie - Tiny Vessel

Why is it already May? I can't figure out if this is good or bad yet. I'm guessing a combination of both.

I finished my after school class today. Totally excited about that. Found out Bayside was coming back, even more stoked. Finished Luis's class (so long as I pass the final test), thrilled about that. It's just been a good few days.